On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[Denver_2010]

Look Denver there is no right or wrong provided what you are doing is aligned with your goals.

What are you hoping to accomplish by going dark?

What do you expect to happen?

Well, it seems that the choices that I make on how to save M can either be right or wrong in the grand scheme of that goal Grit. I know that there is no instruction manual that fits every sitch though. That is what I'm trying to figure out by taking in as much advice as possible and molding it to my particular sitch. I would appreciate it if you, or anyone else, would scream at me to NOT do something that they saw as a horrible mistake though.

I guess that I would hope that going dark would cause W to wonder what I'm doing, thinking etc. and ultimately miss me. The brief periods of darkness haven't seemed to gain this result though. Yes, I know Gritter, I am attaching an expectation. I can't help it man.

Again, I'm not sure that going dark is the best thing for my situation. I was distant and unattached for much of the last 10 months that we were together. While I don't want to pressure her and push her away, I also don't want her to perceive that my actions only confirm what she has come to believe of me, i.e., that I don't love her and don't care about M. This is my dilemma.

You will come through this at your own pace and you will learn what you are supposed to learn when you are ready to hear it.

I say this alot. Your pain will guide you through this.

If you keep contacting your W and nothing changes in fact you feel worse because she is not ready to listen to you.

You will stop. Not when we say you should. When you learn you should.

This is something that I am really learning. I can already feel myself beginning to wear down from the emotional pain that I am going through. I figure at some point, my body will make me detach from sitch just out of self preservation. For now, I am pretty resilient.

You know your W better than we. So do what you think best.

Me? I would let her initiate contact. If you can handle the interaction then interact. If not stay dark but do it for you.

Detachment is a tool for you to get to a better place NOT a tactic IMO.

Do not attach outcomes to it for your W. Good or bad. Only outcomes for you.

Let her alone. She will get in touch with you when she wants to talk to you. Then STFU and listen.

Why would you want to force and control all those possible and potential outcomes up there ^^^^.

Do you own a crystal ball?

No, I wish that I did though. I feel that I have a couple of months where I can try to be her friend and try to break through before she is forced to find more permanent living arrangement. If W does not come around to working on M and chooses to find a new place to live once her current 6 month lease expires in May, or if she files for D or LS, I will then focus more on detaching, going dark etc. I feel that I need to be at least a little proactive and loving based on my behavior during last 10 months that we were together. I think that this is where I am leaning Grit.

Detaching IS for me and at some point I will have to do it if things don't improve. In the meantime I will detach as much as I can without losing my ability to subtly show W that i am fighting for our M, and I will endure the pain until I can't any longer.

I am here because you are here. And as long as you keep posting here no matter what, the people here will help.

You are not disserving anyone here by living your life and making choices and learning from your mistakes.

We all share this tragedy that has happened in our M. Our goal is to help you through this.

Give you the benefit of an objective view and experience.

Thanks Gritter. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for you and everyone on this board for the support and advice.

Denver