Busy week. It's been showing all afternoon and evening, so I'm snuggled up here in my sunroom, watching the snow and trying to catch up with everyone.
Originally Posted By: Mila
..........at some point he said....You will never forgive me....there is no going back...you would obviously never forgive me.....how can this ever change in the future...you would never forgive me...
In your post from 1/11/11 (day late and a dollar short, I know.......SORRY!) this ^^^^^^^ jumped out at me. Very interesting. I read your post on Tuesday and again now. The more I read it, the more I like the way you stood up for yourself, were honest with H, and communicated your boundary. H brought up the topic of his family staying at your house. You did not bring it up. You were just responding.
Originally Posted By: Mila
I said "First of all I didn't say NO, I'm just letting you know how I feel about the whole thing...
This ^^^^^^ was just honest communication on your part.
Originally Posted By: Mila
I said that I didn't mean to get into R type of discussion....but the issue of his sister brought up some emotions and some anger that I still have...Also said let's talk about your sister's visit when we both calm down....
This ^^^^^ is a repair attempt ala John Gottman and "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". You showed effort to de-fuse the situation.
Regarding your in-laws.............my X-SIL was completely quiet the entire time XH was pushing for D. I thought she had totally turned her back on me......Then, a few months before the D, X-SIL reached out to me. We had lunch when she came to town. She told me that H/XH had "put a gag order on her". I think she was pretty amazed at how I had taken the high road (she is M'ed to a minister so can appreciate the value of "turning the other cheek"). She reached out to me and we grew closer than we had during my M to H/XH. She is now one of the threads between me and XH. She routinely sends short e-mails to both me and XH and XH sends short e-mails to both his sister and me. My point in saying this to you is that it is possible that your in-laws don't feel about you the way that you think they do.
It makes sense to pay respect to your FIL by doing this for him if you choose to do so. I understand your positive and negative feelings about having your in-laws stay with you. It may be very difficult for you, but it also may move you farther forward on this journey because it may give you valuable information to inform your decisions about standing for H in the future.
