I failled horribly...

[Denver_2010]

MJ, Onestep, yes, you guys should join FOBDs as BITS! I like that a lot. I don't know much about your sitch Onestep but would be more than happy to catch up if you post your own thread.

FOBD - Sorry to hear about your setback, but it seems minor compared to the daily setbacks that I have been having since last Friday evening. I think that I have broken down crying 4 or 5 different days this past week (still better than Nov and most of Dec when it was every day). I have been feeling extremely lonely in my big house all by myself. Also feeling as if nothing I do, work etc, has any meaning without W and SS in my life. I was doing better for about 10 days, but have been struggling lately.

Meant to ask you FOBD, who's your team in the NFL playoffs? Did you college team with the bowl game? Was it BCS? Big sports fan here. My team, the Broncos just hired John Fox today. I'm pretty happy with that.

Denver

What I said above that took almost 24 hours to post.

FOBD:
"I started to get a lump in my throat today right in the middle of a huge client meeting. I still have a long way to go. But I can truly say I am much better of now than I was six weeks ago. Talk to you soon!"

I am doing better than I was weeks ago too, but this week has been rough. I have broken down at my office at least once each day this week. I find it difficult to really focus on my work for long stretches of time. Can't get W out of my head... I'm definitely not detached, but have been trying to decide just how detached I actually want to get right now. I can live with the pain for a while.

"1) If she is through with me, our marriage and continues to state over and over again that she is moving on, why does she want all this stuff from our house? This stuff is going to be nothing more than a huge pile of reminders of what once was? Kind of weird, if you ask me?"

Hmmm... not sure about you and W's financial sitch, but my W wanted stuff out of our house mainly bc she knows that she's not going to be able to afford to buy her own stuff if we D. Also, if you don't think that your W would want it bc they are reminders of what once was, why would you want it?

"2) On Tuesday night, when she started to tell me that she had this list, she began crying. As she cried, she started listing all this stuff she is going to need for her new place. I got angry, cut her off and told her she had better not attempt to sit there in front of me and cry because she has no stuff for her new place. Frankly, I was quite stern and raised my voice as I shut her little act down. Why would she do that? Does she think crying in front of me will illicit some mercy or is she really upset about moving which might signal second thoughts?"

IMO could be one of two things FOBD. 1) she is getting emotional bc she is truly sad about what is happening, probably confused, unsure of her decisions. or 2) She is trying to elicit sympathy so that you will be more agreeable to giving her stuff out of the house. Again, don't know the financial sitch that you guys are in. Can you brief us on that a little? Also, FOBD, I'm not sure what you mean that you became angry with her. But I would strongly suggest that you not be outwardly angry or argumentative with her. I think that you can be strong, decisive and hold your ground without doing this. JMO.

"3) Why do we have to meet in person to discuss this decision? We could easily do this over the phone. Yes, I am excited about seeing her and look forward to it. But she initiated the meeting. Is she just being nice to make sure she gets what she wants?"

Maybe you shouldn't have made yourself available for this meeting. Tough call here, but that may have got her wondering why you are unwilling to make time for her. Not that i don't understand. The last time I saw my W was Dec 22 and when I found out that she was willing to let me see her and SS for a little bit, I drove like 100 mph risking life and limb to get to her M's house.

"I still haven't made up my mind if I am going to help her move or not. That seems like a bit much to me, but I have seen cases where that was done. I still love her and I am going to continue to DB my *ss off for the next couple of months. I am just a bit confused by some of her behavior. Is she playing nice to ensure she gets what she needs or is there some indecision on her part. "

I'm wondering that about my W right now too. She's not nearly as angry towards me as she was when this all first started. Your guess is as good as mine.

I wouldn't help her move out if I were you. Some others may disagree, but I think that if our W's want out of R with us, then they need to do the work and begin to understand the reality of what that means.

"Since she left, I have felt like I lost a limb."

Exactly how I describe my situation.

BITS!
Denver