She's trying to help me deal with how my W is changing so the M can survive. She told me that I have to deal with my expectations.
She said I should act, in regards to my expectations, that we were already divorced. Would W kiss you goodbye if you were divorced? Would she fix you a plate of food if you were divorced? Would she sit in the same room with you alone if you were divorced?
That hit home big time. I think we spouses who are the one fighting to make it work don't recognize exactly what our spouses actually do. Now I see just how much she does do to keep our relationship together. Does she initiate "I love you" or ask to ML? No BUT she does the other things and that's big.
The difference is expectations versus gifts. The C told me to look at those interactions as gifts. I said how the other night the W rolled over and put her arm on me. Subsequently, the next two nights, she seemed as cold as cold could be and I was bothered by it.
It was my expectations that she would do that from now on. Instead, I need to look at that as a gift and cherish that. Not to think it will never happen again, but don't expect it every time.
I hope that helps others that are in our way too common boat here.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
