K, I know how you are feeling!! I had a very rough converstaion today with XH and feel awful! I too hate my situation at times and get bitter, but try so hard not to.
XH chose this for us and he has no consequences, me and the kids have all of them. I read about making it all about me, about making a list and making that life happen for you, all that stuff...but when it comes to the day to day crap, I am just sick of it. I feel do down and out and see no financial way to get back up.. as I didn't finish college to marry XH, I had a baby right away so I didn't ever get a career off the ground, I had two more babies and was a stay at home mom for 16 years, then XH decided that he wants OW and not us anymore and dumps us!! I presumed that I would be married forever, isn't that what you are suppose to do when your married? I assumed that he loved me and cared for me and the kids enough to do right by us, and I assumed wrong!! I really don't care anymore that he is in MLC!! I am sick of it all and just want a normal, good man in my life again, one who is healthy and knows what "family, love and commitment" really mean and is man enough to stay faithful and be good to his wife. My XH made this family with me willingly, he got out of it and that is fine (although I was raised it isn't fine no matter the excuse), but I want a man who won't do that and I deserve it!! I am angry today, due to issues with D18 and XH, but I know it will pass.
Stay strong K!! Whether he pays child support or not, he can help you with the extras that come along when supporting kids, I haven't seen a child support order yet that covers all of everything the kids need!! I pray and pray it will all get better and I am sure it will, cause if it doesn't I don't know what I will do or where I will be!!
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
I did ask him to help me pay and he said he would. He has always offered to help me if able at anytime. I just hate asking because he already gives me an additional $200 a month on top of what the state wanted him to pay for child support. I have hardly ever asked him for help. But it's getting to the point I have to lose my pride and just ask when I have no other choice. Its just that I have never had money problems this severe. H did ask me If I was doing ok, I did tell him about having finanical problems with the business. He said he was sorry and he wish he knew what to do to help...somehow that did NOT make me feel better.
Just letting the devil get to me today...I know GOD will supply my every NEED. He always has and always will.
On a side note....our pastor's 92 year old mother passed away this afternoon...she was such a joy in everyone's lives here....such a blessing to us all....sad yet joyous day for her family and friends. I will miss her.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I did ask him. He did get for me. There was no problem with him doing it as long as he had the money.
I had talked to him about adding a line to my parents cell phones, but they have the limit on lines. I was going to cut my cell phone off and just add it to theirs to help save me maybe $50 a month and when I couldnt do that, he offered to let me add a phone onto his line and just pay the extra costs. We added a line a few months back to his for our daughter. So I talked to him about doing that last night. He has no problem with doing it. I know I shouldnt depend on him, but I am going to be paying my part, I just have to find ways to cut costs for now. Its not going to be forever, but probably just the two years for the contract I guess. I can handle it, I dont think he would ever use it against me or anything and I dont really care if he sees on his bill who I call or anything like that. Im just glad he will do this for me.
Last night when he dropped off the kids, he asked about my computer being taken to this guy that is going to fix it. He knows my H and volunteers at the ems with him. My H wanted to know about the emails I had saved from his f-b where I had caught him cheating....He didnt want this guy to see them. I just told him that I had them printed out, that I didnt save them. But then I do remember one that I did save on my desktop....I dont think this guy would say anything, but if he did, its not my reputation Im worried about. Its my H that is worried about his....and really most people that know him, know his reputation anyway. Not really worried about it.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak: Sorry to hear about your ongoing struggles. Know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. One day at at time. Focus on what you can do for yourself, not for him or others.
Thank you Bruce It is a struggle but Im finding ways to manage and God is providing me so far with what I need and even some of the things i want
H will be getting me a phone to share on his cell phone plan. That will help me out alot...it will cut my cell phone bill in half!
One thing I am noticing and feeling kinda uncomfortable with is that I feel like my H is treating as if i was one of his OW. He keeps calling me "dear" or actually texting it to me...like if I ask him something or answer a question he will end it with "dear" ex: Smile dear or your very welcome dear. I dont like it. I know he doesnt mean anything bad by it, but I am NOT his dear anymore...you know? I mean that is a term he used to his OW that he would flirt with or whatever in his emails....I dont like it. Trying to figure out a way to tell him that nicely. I almost feel like he is getting off on helping me. Dont like that feeling but I gotta do what I can to get by for now.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Ugh~ stressfull week....no sleep last night. Need prayers please.
Got bills due, no money coming in. Need to get these business changes started soon!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
