It was just a really bad couple of days for me. I'm in a better place now.
For my W and I there is a fine line. The is a point where she feels that I'm my normal joking, independent self. The guy she fell in love with and was married to for 11 years. If I go to far either way - being too accommodating and ignoring my emotions OR being too needy, impatient - she says I'm "weird" or "off" So I can't just stuff my emotions and play happy. I have to really be happy for her to feel relaxed. And as you can imagine, this process with it's ups and downs doesn't always allow for happy and relaxed.
And what do I do about my own emotions, independent of her. For example, last night I found myself tearing up. I couldn't leave the room as we were about to having a webcam chat with her parents. I tried to keep it under control and when she asked I just said I was feeling "emotional" and left it at that. I was able to turn it around and was making W laugh. She brought it a little later. Again I was evasive (I didn't tell her what I was really upset about) She just said I need to compartmentalize (god the she loves this word and is a master at it) I said I wasn't as good as her at it. After that we talked and joked for a bit.
I then went for a run on the treadmill and she went to bed. The interaction was mostly positive and no lasting issues. Was it the right way to handle it? I don't know, it felt right.
This morning was also good. It felt like our normal relationship. Hopefully, this is the start of a streak of getting some traction.
I am bummed our MC session was moved to next week (sick kid issues) and we haven't had one in almost a month.
Oh well.
Bond - I have come a loooooooong way on seeing my W's POV. I still have a ways to go. Also, I'm not necessarily worry about getting my needs met, I'm worry about the effect of the lack of getting my needs met.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
