Piecing is almost harder than before...

[XYZ]

Harrier - I'm naturally very impatient too and - like you - that makes this sooooo much harder.

This is all so weird for me. My wife feels like she is doing all the work and all I have to do is wait. I feel like I'm doing all the work while she decides if she wants me and us. I for sure don't want to fight or argue so when she talks, I listen. When I disagree with her, I err on the side of not saying so and agreeing with her. I've been (rightfully) accused of being rigid and having a "my way and the wrong way" attitude before, so I try to be open minded and accepting of her different views. Sometimes that makes me feel that I'm just agreeing for the sake of agreeing and stuffing my own views and opinions. I'm not sure how to break the cycle and do it in a productive and validating way. High risk situation there. Also, I listen to her talk about her pain and anger whenever she wants/needs to. I get it; I want to do that and be there for her. When do I talk about mine? Anytime its started to come up, she says that she feels like I'm justifying my actions and building a case, so I stop and go back to accepting fault. But my pain is real too. I had a big role in our fall, but not 100% and sometimes I feel like she sees it as 100% me and that's not good long term.

W is away for the weekend visiting an old college friend. She'll have a great time, and I know that I will be the subject of much conversation. It scares the crap out of me. Will she (a) talk and it be therapeutic or (b) talk and just get that much more angry with me. Guess I'll see on Sunday. Praying for "A".

Anyway. I really stupidly thought when W ask me home 2 months ago that the hard part was over. Little did I know that that was just the beginning of the hard part. I will wait any amount of time and do any thing for W and our M, but I need to see some success along the way. It's so hard to stay motivated and not to say the hell with it when you don't know if all this work and pain will be for naught. This pain is excruciating and I just want feel normal again. It's been over 5 months since I can say I felt that way. I'm just griping, I'll hang in there and keep going. W is worth it.