I used the suggestion of telling her that she knows how I feel about the subject and we discussed it and she still went. I didn't say much about it and we moved on. After a few days back she was different it seemed and then brought up how the band invited her and her friend and a few other fans to come out and help them do auditions for 11 people and pick out a new lead singer. On one hand I think maybe I am being controlling on all of this? But then I think about her actions towards me and realize I don't feel that is the case. She wasn't asking my opinion about the auditions so I didn't say anything. My instincts and logic keep telling me she has a thing going for one of them.
After a few days of her acting distant and probably confused in her head we had a talk. She eventually said she hates feeling controlled and not being able to do and go wherever she wants. I suggested perhaps to make me feel better about this let me come with to a few of the shows once in a while with a few other couples we can invite and then she started to get upset. Saying how this is her special thing with her friend and I am trying to take it away from her. I said I'm not saying you can never go but thought it would help our situation if I went with a few times to put my mind at ease. That didn't lead anywhere but her saying I was being controlling. She goes out shopping with friends and an assortment of other things that don't bother me that I never ask to go with to.
She eventually said she doesn't love me and sees me as only a best friend. She also said though that when she goes out or when she even buys something expensive for herself now, she feels so much guilt. I'm not making her feel guilty with this as I didn't argue about it and with the item she purchased told her she works hard and should buy the item. Pretty confusing.
Fast forward a few days later and after talking to a counselor I am seeing, I have agreed that I need to continue to live with no regrets. Be committed to her and tell her that but be there to listen to her. Give her space but yet reassure her that you are there for her. I told this to her and she said where do we go from here. She talked about how do you know which life is best for a person. The life you are in or this other life. I asked her what this other life is and eventually said being with someone more like her. She then talked about trying a trial separation and she would be in the house during the day with the kids and I would be there at night with the kids. I told her I would think about it but don’t see how that helps the situation. I had said I thought that perhaps if she left for a week or so without the kids, house, and I it would give her an idea of what the other choice would be like ½ of the time. I said I don't know how the house part of it would play out, but that could be one of the scenarios. She said I was threatening her with that and doesn’t like it.
The conversation toned down towards the end and I said in closing to her that I can speculate all day on what this is all about for you. But I have only one last thing to say on this and then I have said everything and I am here to listen to you any time to help. But if you feel that this other life would be so intriguing, keep in mind that it is only a fantasy. When you go out and meet these other people, there are none of the pressures of day to day life, no kids, etc… that isn’t real life, it is just a fantasy.
Any advice on where to go from here? My thought is to continue to live with no regrets and be there for her when needed but not be pursuing of her. Continue to do all I can around the house for my family and my kids but have no expectations of anything from her. Man is that tiring though when you don't feel any love from your spouse and she said everything she said. Not sure how long I can do it for, but I get the feeling she is just going to squat down in her current situation as she says and just stay married and be unhappy as she put it a few days ago. Almost wants me to make the decision for her after I burn out from this. Perhaps this guilt is getting to her and the trial separation idea is the next step in her mind. I can't see this trial separation scenario she put out there as helping at all. Anyone been thru that type of scenario and have advice?
We currently still sleep in the same bed and we still have sex together. It makes me not want to do that anymore after obviously being told all of that and also if perhaps I could get something from it. Crude to say but who knows. Is she just leading me on and manipulating me to string this out forever...
