DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

[ScaredinCanada]

Good for you SIC. It sounds like you are doing good lately. It is amazing how the way we feel changes so quickly.

I remember being a newbie and having people post about how are feelings are going to change over time. You don't believe what they are telling you, but it's true.

I feel I am doing o.k., but I am still stuck in the same day over and over. Nothing positive or Negative from her.

I have to admit, I look around on this forum and I see so much communication with couples in the same sitch as me, and I am getting none. It makes me jealous and scared, but also happy for everyone.

Ya still doing good. W was pretty cold last night, made some comment about "maybe we just shouldn't talk"...no idea where that came from. I'm ok with it though, it's just not bothering me anymore.

It's true though when you control your feelings, and start to believe in the changes yourself (it takes some time to convince yourself that these changes are for me as much as they are for my W) you feel so much mor ein control of the sitch.

I know I was talking pretty positive, but to be totally honest nothing has really changed other than her wanting to talk to me about the R occasionally.

Last night was kinda crappy too, as when I got home she told she had found my DR book. She just asked "So are you enjoying reading DR, is it a good book?" It was in my night stand (which she's never gone in) and she said she was tidying up and noticed the book. I guess no big deal.

After I got home from hockey last night (when for a few beers with the guys) my youngest D was up, and I got up with her twice but I was feeling pretty tired and had to get up at 5am for work. W took the oppurtunity to jab me saying "I have to work tomorrow night, but that's not important - you have the important job I'll get up with D2", I just said no "Both of our jobs are important, but I have 4 hours left to sleep and it's my turn to drive for my carpool". I'm sure she'll have something to say about it tonight - she always makes a big deal of it.

I may try and go out with the guys again tonight, keep the W guessing and avoid negative convo. Also, I'm thinking of just telling her I've got some things to do tomorrow and going to see the movie "Truegrit" (she'll likely think I'm shopping for anniversary gift) as I need to be a little more unpredictable.

I'm in a good place right now.

On a side note, I have to mention how surprised I am at how many people on here seem to have a deep connection to God? Does that really help you guys? I've never really been religious, and a number of years ago I went on a personal mission to determine if I wanted/needed God in my life. The answer was no. Since then it's something that has actually given me personal stength. My W is agnostic, and I classify myself as an atheist - but I was really just curious how religion may effect/help these situations.

SIC