I think I just got curious about your sitch when awhile back you posted about how your W never came to you about R talk.
My wife doesn't talk about her feelings either, which I believe is a big reason we are in this sitch. No communication. I hope we get to work on that someday. I have learned so much about my M and the reasons for our problems. It is hard not to share it with her.
It is even harder to think that she doesn't really care to know these things.
Angel61- You hit it on the head. Sometimes I get that zest for life, but it fades fast. I think my big problem with the 180 is that GAL for me is my wife and kids. I have not given them enough of me, and that is what I want now. Kind of conflicts with giving her space. But I am doing it the best I can while living in same house.
Detaching seems hard because I have always been detached. How does more of the same help matters? But, I am trying to do this also, even though it doesn't make sense to me. Like I have been told a million times, DBing will go against our instincts.
Denver, Your first paragragh question, You got that right.
Told W I love her and want to work on marriage on the bomb day, and for a few days after. This was the wrong thing to do. It was pressure. She asked me to not say I love you because she can't say it back.
On bomb day I think my begging and pleading stopped her from saying "I want a divorce". She said that I get a chance, but it is going to be a long,long,time, and even if I do change she doubts she will ever love me again. I took the word "chance" as we will work on marriage. It turns out it is a chance to get a chance to work on marriage.
Anyway, the first 2 months went by, doing 180(no anger), being a good guy, no pursuing except a couple letters (pre DBing) which were mostly about her being good mom,attractive,smart etc. etc. Mainly compliments, but I suppose it could have been taken as pursuing by her.
Everything was like it is now. Like nothing is wrong, things seemed ok. So after 2 months from bomb I wanted to know where we stood. I don't remember how I worded it though. This was the first time I heard the words "I want a divorce and I don't need you".
This is the reason I stick to the advice of waiting for her to come to me about R talk. When I tried, look what happened.
Now, time has gone by again, and things seem ok again. But I thought that last time.
As I have said to MrBond and many,many times, she does not expose any feelings, just keeps it all buried deep.
These 2 times, the original bomb, and the 2 month later "I want a divorce" are the only 2 times we have had conversation about R.
H-40 W-38 Together-20 Married-12 boy-7 girl-3 bomb-9/17/10 No papers live together No affair
