I've been reading your thread all day on my Blackberry when I had a chance but haven't had a chance to reply until now.
Wow! After reading everyone's thoughts I am confused myself and I don't have the emotional involvement that you do, so I can imagine how you must feel. Of all of the comments I've read, the one that jumps out to me, and that I KNOW to be true is this:
Originally Posted By: PEImom_of_3
.........there is not room for 3 people in any relationship (even if the 3rd is left over emotions for your stbxW). It didn't work for your marriage and it won't work for any new relationship either.
I would like to provide a slightly different perspective, gained from many years as a single woman. I learned the hard way in my 20s to be very cautious of dating men who are separated from their wives (and not D'ed) or who are newly D'ed. My own rule of thumb is to not date men who have been D'ed less than one year. This is only MY rule, not trying to impose this on anyone here,....... I just learned the hard way that life was much simpler and less dramatic if I kept to this rule. One of the main reasons I have this rule is that I don't know if it is possible to know what a person is REALLY like when they are evolving and changing the way that people do after this kind of a crisis. You are without a doubt doing your best. You are striving to be honest with your new GF, but is it possible for you to reveal yourself to your new GF when you are transitioning in ways that continue to surprise you? That said, if you are honest with your new GF (and I don't doubt that you are), if you tell new GF that you are going through a transition period, you will have done what you can to communicate to her that you are changing right now.
This brings me to the main point that I wanted to convey to you. Your new GF is an adult woman, right? While I agree with what Jack and trapt said about being "careful with the woman you are currently seeing. I know you have a lot to think about, but is she really getting all of you right now?"......I would argue that she is a grown woman and knows the chance she is taking by dating a man in your position. All you can do is be honest with her to the best of your ability. I don't doubt that you are already doing that. That is the risk that we ALL take in trying to find that special someone,........ and even more so when emotions are so labile.
