2 years later it's still not getting easier

[Augtan]

Wow, thanks so much MZ!! I will read that later, I have a paper due tomorrow and need to get back to it asap! I went back and read some of your situation, your piecing your marriag after an A and MLC, right? I wish you all the best and hope you can make it through all this! I am on the MLC boards a lot too! I would love to hear about your discovery of the A, as mine is quite a story too, which does involve jail!! I don't know what my goal is, I would like to say it is to move on and be over all this, happy with a man who loves me and is healthy enough to do so, who I love and respect back just as much, but I still pray daily that XH will want to come home and be a family with us again!!

Today, was a weird day with XH. We are still having issues with D18 so we talked and IM'd a few times. As I have posted on here before, XH and I have never stopped ML through all of this crap. I know it is different, but we have great s*x and enjoy it. Well, this last time I have sworen to myself will be the last time because of things he said to me in relation to OW#2 that was so awful and hurtful to me. But, he apologized for it and says they are just friends and D18 had confirmed that she isn't around anymore. I still want to have better boundries and need to make that one of them. Today on the IM he said he was going to get in the shower to get warm cause he was cold, I said that I wished I was there and I could warm him up right, he said I wouldn't want his cold hands all over me right then, I said that I loved his hands all over me warm or cold and some other flirty, sexy things, he replied just as flirty and then I ended it. He called me twice since then about D18 and has texted me too, nothing major, but we are getting along good. This was happening before Thanksgiving and I messed it up, I don't want to do that this time, and for some reason feel like I could take it or leave it and like this feeling. I am not going to be the one to initiate all the flirting. I know he wants to come up here soon, I just need to stay strong and let him prusue me, I doubt he will, but I am not going to accept anything less, if he wants any form of an R with me he will go after it.

Just needed to update and vent, this time I don't feel as desperate or that feeling like I want to hear from him or I am going to have an anxiety attack! I feel secure and good, not as "stuck" when it comes to this part of it all anyway, I still have my anger and resentment of all he has done, but that too is going away little by little!!

A