the whole "believe non of what they say" thing leaves the door wide open for folks to not truly accept what is going on
Spot on IMO. In the beginning I wanted so badly for my H to be showing "signs" that ^^^^ became like a mantra for me. It led to disappointment and confusion for ME on so many occasions.
IMO, she may just be saying thanks ... no different than the "friendship" you showed her by helping her move. I would take her at her word ... and I wouldn't go. Why not? For a couple of reasons ... 1) IF she's peeking out and testing the waters no better way to show her you are not her cat toy to bat around, and 2) the kids deserve an example that is consistent ... divorcing people may get along, but they do not hug and kiss, it is a confusing message and won't help them form ideas about healthy Rs for their own future. Now, that being said, I think that once you are in a position where you are enforcing boundaries and can have a friendly dinner without expectation, hope, worry or all of this ^^^ "not thinking about it" ... then go for it. Being friends would likely benefit your kids in the long run.
IMO, I think you are switching lanes and doing a very natural shoulder check... even though you already checked your mirrors.
Sounds like a whole lotta thinking, "buts" and "what if's" to me ... so I'm gonna tell you what I tell anyone at this point ...
Time. Be still for a bit, and truly listen to what your gut is telling you.
You are "done" if you are "done". And until then, you are not. Or is it that simple??? I think not always. This isn't a black and while world ... we are wading through so many shades of grey.
You make your decisions based on what you want, regardless of what your stbxW does. These choices are yours based on the man you are ... not based on what someone else says or does ...
I will say this ... there is not room for 3 people in any relationship (even if the 3rd is left over emotions for your stbxW). It didn't work for your marriage and it won't work for any new relationship either.
Process where you really are. Are you really asking these questions? Or did you throw it out there for some challenges so you could see if the wood stung? I've done that ... sometimes it did, and other times I was where I thought I was.
You know how to get me if you need to ... Happy Little Friday buddy
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
