I failled horribly...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,
I am so glad that my brief moment in the sun can help others. I wish I could say the good feelings that came from that moment went on and on. But, reality set in today that I am still facing a very, very long and very uncertain road. But, I believe in my heart that I can do this. I will have good days and I will have bad, but I will continue to do this.

I also have good news and bad news today.

The good news is that I met with my marriage counselor this morning and I told him about our encounter. He applauded my behavior. He stated that I handled the entire situation perfectly except for the part where I got tricked into arguing with her. He actually asked me where I picked up my skills. I told him about DB. He was familiar. The really surreal part is where is told me that he believes that my wife may be suffering from some serious problems since she left. He believes that some of her actions are that of a very confused individual and that she is apparently not taking care of herself (Rule #1 of DB'ing). He continued to congratulate me throughout the entire visit. At the end, he told me that it is OK for me to take some stock in small victories and that I need to keep up the good work. But, he is still concerned about how much I still worry and think about her. He wants me to spend less time thinking about her. He also stated that starting on our next visit, he would like to hear me stop referring to her as my wife. He wants me to get comfortable with the idea that she might not return and no longer referring to her as my wife during conversation will start that ball rolling. I think he is right. If she comes back, no big deal. I can switch right back. But, for now, I think I will stop calling her my wife. I don't know yet what I will call her. I guess I will have to work on that. None the less, I left his office on "cloud 9."

Now the bad...

I had a setback today that kind of sucked. I am in sales and I was visiting with a client in her office around lunchtime. She had a radio playing softly in the background during our appointment. Out of the blue, a song came on that was very deeply related to a wonderful vacation that my W and I took a few years ago. I am so embarrassed to admit this, but I freaked out. I showed no emotion to my client, but on the inside I was losing my mind. I told my client I wasn't feeling well and excused myself. I headed for the restroom, splashed some water on my face and calmed down. I stayed in the bathroom long enough to ensure the song was over and returned to my appointment. That is really freaking sad. I am a 39 year old man and a Desert Storm Veteran. And I let a f*cking song chase me from a room. I guess I still have a very long way to go.

Denver, stay in touch. All of us here are what I call "B.I.T.S" In the service, we used this term for when you and some buddies ended up in a bad situation and had to really rely on each other. It stands for "Brothers in the Sh*t." Stay strong, buddy. BITS are always there for each other.

Spellfire, I really do like your style. I am very glad you have picked up on my thread. You are absolutely correct in your assertions. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Stay with me on this thing. You are a good guy to have around. You always seem to find a way to put a better spin on a situation. You are apparently a very experienced DB'er.

Onedayatatime, jump in with us. I don't know if you have a thread started already. But, if you do, I look around for it. I would love to know some background on your sitch. Denver and I are in pretty much the same boat. W's walked out a few months ago and went dark claiming it was over. I would like to believe that we will be the judges of that, NOT THEM!!! Hang with us, my man. We are BITS, and BITS never quit on each other! Never!

Keep in touch, fellows. I will keep monitoring this each day. Best of luck tomorrow in whatever you do with your life that day!

FOBD