Detachment issues

[AntoniaB]

I replied to him. It's a long reply--and it is an outpouring of my heart and soul. I feel good about it. I feel clear. I feel that there is zero manipulation in my reply and I have no expectations of anything. The gist of my reply says that I have forgiven him in my heart; that I love him unconditionally, and that I know this now because I love him despite the fact that that love will never be reciprocated. I can't deny it. I can't destroy those feelings for him. They are there despite everything. I can't change it.

I said it is because I feel that way still and know that our relationship, if there is anything left to it, is one-sided, that I have to permanently let him go. That I have a wound so deep that bled and bled, and that now it's bleeding less, but that continuing to see him or have contact on a little scale or even know where he ends up living is going to make my wound bleed worse because it will be a constant reminder that I love him in a way that he can't love me. And so with that, I have to let him go.

I think that this was the thing I needed to realize and learn to move on with my life. I can't destroy the love I have for him, so I'm going to stop trying. But I also can't continue to have him in my life in any way because it's going to destroy me. And even though I can see that this hurts him, and it's hurting me, I have to walk away.