Having a really hard time...

[what next?]

All I know is that nothing I have done has worked... but I really feel l Ike she has to follow through with the process. Her thing is that she doesn't feel like she has made decisions in her life so I think I have to let her do this and see for herself that its not what she wants. A huge part of my gal will be getting a job and that is most likely going to take me to Houston. That will give her about 500 miles worth of space and she will definitely get to see what she thinks about life like that.

[MrBond]

First off, have you found a job yet? What steps have you gone through to get your own house in order. I mean 'house' figuratively not literally.

[what next?]

I am going to Houston for the next two weeks to meet with staffing companies. I have a part time job there that I can do from home but would get a lot more work if I were down there. Currently I play poker for a living which I have done for the past three years while I got my mba

[what next?]

As far as what I ha e been doing... I got on lexapro to greet my anxiety which was having a huge impact on my marriage without MD realizing it. I have continued with therapy that we went to together in October and I have lost about twenty pounds working out and eating healthier.

[MrBond]

Right, but wasn't one of the things you believed she had a problem with was the poker playing as not a viable career? I recall you saying that while you were pursuing your MBA, she was checking out.

What else were her gripes? Have those been addressed?

The thing is maybe you have to open the door a little. It's obvious staying away isn't working.

[what next?]

Yeah that's why I'm looking so hard for a job.. I mean I want one too but I need to get to a better job market. I guess I do need to try and open up some dialogue but I just kept thinking I needed to go dark. I think giving her some time to let everything sink in is a good idea. Ultimately I'm not too worried about the legal divorce...

[what next?]

Had an email exchange about when I could pick up my mail from her house... wanted to see how you guys think I handled it.

my email:

Just put it (a DHL package) with my mail in a bag. You can sit it on the side of the house or something if you don't want them to take it. I can't get it until later... I need to sleep.

I hope you are doing well.

she replied:

K, I'll put it on the east side. Thanks!

so i left it at this:

That's fine thank you. I'm going to Houston on Monday for two weeks so I really am hoping that the checks come before then. The first check is for 1k and when it didn't come I had a second one sent for 2k more but changed the address to here. But with trina gone they have Stevens aunt house sitting so I don't know if it has come or not.

just this little exchange had me so stressed out lol. i had to breakdown and cry for a minute because i can't wrap my head around the fact that we are so far apart and she acts like i'm the paper boy coming buy to pick up his envelope of money. i tried to say "i hope you are doing well" instead of saying something like "i miss you more everyday and this time apart is ripping me in two lol... but i refrained

just surprised me how instantly i was a ball of nerves unable to function. one email from her and all of my progress is shattered on the ground lol. i tried to keep the emails straight forward and basic but added the line about hope she's doing well just to let her know that i'm still thinking about her and what not.

thoughts?

[what next?]

Ugh today was pretty rough... brain is wore out lol

[MrBond]

You handled it well except for the part where you said you are still thinking about her.

What was the reason again why you're not living together?

[what next?]

I didn't actually say I was thinking about her... I just said "I hope you are don't well" to let her know that I'm thinking about her... just to personalize it some.