Thanks everybody! D17 phoned and said she didn't want to go out to dinner tonight, too much homework. So I suggested that I get some take out food, I'd already bought the cake and come over for dinner. She agreed. So I phoned her mom and she agreed to the arrangements. So, I'm off to pick up the food and open gifts with my seventeen year old daughter. Part of me wants so much to go and sit with my Dad tonight after the news he got today but I can't. I guess I'll get the girls to phone him after dinner and chat. I just can't imagine what it's like to lie in bed alone knowing that there is no hope and you're going to die. What a horribly lonely feeling. I know the Lord is with him and maybe that'll be enough for tonight. I hope so.
wii, just as a suggestion if you really want to see him why not swing by your dad for a bit with D17 after dinner etc? I'm sure your dad would like to see his grand-daughters. The girls may want to spend time with him while he's doing well. It might even lift his spirits up or at least be a good distraction.
I'm so sorry. He sounds like a such great man and I'm sure he lived his days to their fullest- like we should all.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I'm so sorry things are so hard with your Dad. I'm sure you have considered all the options, but in case you are wavering, bringing my Dad home for hospice care was one of the best choices my mother made.
I can totally relate. I remember going through the same things with my Mom and the deep emotional pain. And somehow the world kept turning.
Your daughter will only turn 17 once so be sure to take the time to celebrate the best you can. It helps to take a break from the hospital and all the doom and gloom once in a while. I know.
Well, tonight we celebrated D's 17th birthday. Before we cut the cake and opened presents we phoned my Dad. Apparently my Aunt and Uncle from Kitchener had been in to visit with him and had just left. Dad talked to all of us and when we hung up my tears began to flow. My two girls rushed over and wrapped their arms around me. I said "Hey, this is a birthday party!" So we cut the cake and opened presents. After dinner wife and I talked and it's funny because she said to me pretty much what I wrote in my previous post, she said "I just can't imagine what it's like to be Dad right now, to be lying there knowing you're going to die" We talked about her Dad, we lost him 11 years ago to stomach cancer, and she said she never really thought much about how he felt at the time. She suggested we all go see my Dad on Saturday, she wants to bring him some photos. She's actually been pretty good with me, earlier in the week she called and said "you must be pretty tired from all the running around, anytime you'd like to join us for dinner just drop by" she then invited me for dinner that night but I declined. I was tired and wanted to be alone. Again, it's nice to see that she still calls him "Dad" and thinks of him that way. But then, my Dad has always treated her as his DIL, has never treated her any other way than loving despite our marital separation and his knowing what caused it. He continued to love her, that's my Dad.
Unconditional Love. It speaks volumes. I only wish I could do it better.
When my Mom was dying, I had my daughter tell my ex that he could visit her but maybe let me know so I wouldn't be there. Because she still loved him. He declined. But it tore him up. The week before she died, my dad and I talked about it. He said that if ex wanted to come to the funeral home - he and anyone else should be made welcome (tough for me at the time but agreed upon). He declined that too. But I have to say - he did phone me when he heard she had passed and he cried more than anyone else. I think it would have been easier on him if he had just come to make his peace then. He did send cards and make a charitable donation which was decent.
I think your wife is handling things well. And your father is a gem!
Take care of yourself Wii. Try to enjoy him while he is still there. Party rather than grieve. Share those memories. There will plenty of time to cry.
Today the chemo specialist came to visit Dad. She said the cancer specialist had asked her to look at the case. She proceeded to tell Dad why he was not a good candidate for chemo, she then explained that radiation was a slight possibility but unlikely,that he couldn't continue on the intervenous food for that much longer as it would cause liver damage etc and then we briefly discussed the unlikelihood of him going home. Wow, uplifting stuff! As she was leaving she said to me "he looks so good, I'd heard he wasn't looking good at all. He looks great!" I went back and held Dad in my arms and he shed a few tears and said "it doesn't look hopeful at all, does it" and I said "No, it doesn't Dad" He was upset because my girls were there and had to hear all this bad news. I told him the girls knew everything anyway, it was nothing new to them. I said "Dad, the problem here is that you're doing so well the hospital just doesn't know what to do with you, you're surprising the hell out of them. So you just keep doing what you're doing for as long as you can" It's absolutely true. His cancer specialist said earlier in the week that Dad was a rare case because usually terminal cancer patients don't do well on the food but Dad's doing great. He's walking every day and looking good. The chemo specialist said that they might try him on solid food again. So, she's meeting next week with all the other doctors who are involved in the case and will meet with Mom and Dad next Wednesday to discuss the outcome of this meeting. On Friday night I went down to the hospital thinking Dad would have nobody there in the evening but there ended up being six of us. Mom said he phoned her after we'd all left and was so happy saying "the gang was all here". Maybe he's doing so well due to all the love that keeps pouring in, it keeps him pushing forward. So, that's my update. Please keep praying because that's also a huge encouragement to him, knowing that so many out there are praying for him. Btw, they still haven't found my friends sister but they are checking hotels in Niagara Falls apparently.
So sorry.