I'm working thru Hold Me Tight by Susan Johnson. She specializes in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. She bases this approach on Attachment Theory of John Bowlby, which speaks to the need for connection as fundamental in each of us. She believes that marital problems are when partners in a M are acting-out their fears regarding disconnection. Vulnerable feelings are communicated poorly. The antidote is that we have to be emotionally responsive to our partners.
This will require an act of courage for those of us in Piecing, who have been thru trauma in our M. The natural response is to protect oneself. It has been mentioned to me on my thread that I seem guarded. I've increased the connectiion with my W, but haven't always been emotionally responsive, and certainly have been guarded. I think this is the direction I'm going to need to move into. I have to remember that my W is trying to connect, and trust me when she's angry, or sharp. I'l keep reading,and see what specific suggestons she has.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
