Lighthouse lit till WAW comes out of fog.

[sandi2]

Okay, good. Yes, it takes time for the AD's to get in the body's system and start working. I think when you start resting, eating, and over-all feeling better, then you can handle your stitch much better.

((hugs))

[Harrier]

Habit,

Do you think being depressed is a normal state? I don't get people who are afraid to take meds because they think it will "alter" who they are, but have no problem living with mental issues that alter who we are.

Basically, how the meds work is on the chemistry in the brain. That's it. Different categories of meds work differently.

Think about it like this. Saw your doctor prescribed a medication to help your blood pressure. Would you have any qualms about taking it? Do you think it would alter who you are?

Anywho if you are really concerned, I'd bypass your general practioner and go see a psychiatrist if you could afford it. They can probably better help you diagnos and chose which medication might be fore you.

[sandi2]

Does anyone have any suggestions or experience about medication, and for what? Depression?

There are more than one type of depression and different levels. I don't know what side-effects your W is talking about unless it's weight gain (and even then, it depends on what you take). I've never heard of it altering who you are.

I have had the blues, the blahs,......and I've had depression. My heart goes out to people who have it so badly that consider ending their life. But, I've experience it enough to kind of understand how a person could get to that point.

It was more than than depression itself that had me so messed up. My hormones, lack of thryoid, etc., was doing a number on me. For a very long time, I felt dead on the inside and had no motivation towards anything....especially my M. The rest is found in my threads.

AD's are not like taking a pep pill that speeds you up or turns you into Jeckle & Hyde. It can help you feel "normal" (like your old self) and give a more sense of well-being. When you have that....then you start to feel more motivated in life.

I'm not advertising for AD's, but I for one, am thankful to have them.

[Denver_2010]

Habit - No shame in meds for either long term or situational depression. I have been on cymbalta for years. But I do think that they CAN change your personality in subtle ways. At least that's what I've read. And I wonder if my meds did this to me without me even realizing it. I am considering seeing my doctor or maybe going to a psychiatrist to look into changing meds. You have to find the one that works best for you... our genetics and chemistry are all different.

[habitacker]

The "altering who you are" view is mine. I do no have any knowledge about any of this, that is why I am asking. Thanks for clearing up my view of the meds.

I do remember her saying that she did not want to take meds because she felt like it would be just covering up the problem.

She also mentioned, because of her job she has been able to observe others who are on these meds, and evidently doesn't care for what she sees. I have no idea what she means by this, especially after what you have all posted.

Thank you for your replies.

[habitacker]

I read somewhere on this site about anger from W is better than detached.

My W has shown absolutely no anger at all, and almost complete detachment. We eat dinner as a family each night, and that is where it ends. Nothing else is said unless it has something to do with kids that has to be talked about.

She will talk small talk if I try, but the response is only her trying to be nice. I can tell there is no interest and she ends it as quickly as possible. 1 word or smallest replies possible.

I don't try making conversation very often, I know I am not supposed to, but when I do it is trying to feel out the sitch.

[habitacker]

I read somewhere on this site about anger from W is better than detached.

My W has shown absolutely no anger at all, and almost complete detachment. We eat dinner as a family each night, and that is where it ends. Nothing else is said unless it has something to do with kids that has to be talked about.

She will talk small talk if I try, but the response is only her trying to be nice. I can tell there is no interest and she ends it as quickly as possible. 1 word or smallest replies possible.

I don't try making conversation very often, I know I am not supposed to, but when I do it is trying to feel out the sitch.

[MrBond]

That "coldness" you detect is her defense mechanism. She's trying not to get too close or is processing things slowly. You're confusing that with lack of emotion that comes with total detachment. She starts acting as if you were a casual acquaintance. She's friendly but you'll get that wall up.

In the beginning it's the LBS tries to batter down the WAS wall (pleading, anger, etc.) which only makes the wall stronger. I've found that it's easier to find little chinks in the wall and slowly make your way in. Eventually the wall gets weak enough that you'll see softening. It took a long time in my sitch, but it's loads better than what it was before.

[habitacker]

MrBond, I remember you saying that it took over a year I think, before your wife started R talk, or anything positive.

What was life like in that period? For both of you?

The reason I ask is because of the way we are living now. Same day over and over, almost like pretending nothing is wrong. I am fine with this if this is what she needs, time and space.

I think I am doing ok DBing. No pursuing, no talk, 180, somewhat detaching.

I guess what I am asking is, do we just keep going as it is? Just be who I want to be (180) and let things play out and see what time does?

What went on with your sitch in the first year? Anything like this?

[MrBond]

In my sitch, my W was hell on wheels in the first year. She had an EA with her boss twice her age. Nothing I did, no matter how nice, she was a total b*tch. She moved out after that first year to her sister's and she's still depressed. Since then, through what I've learned here and elsewhere things have gotten much better between the two of us. I'll re-post my story somewhere.

The point is, you learn that it's their journey. There's a time and place for everything. If I would have pushed her early on, we would be D'd by now. I see her slowly coming out of the fog, and I live my life.

If anyone would have told me that it would take this long in the beginning, I would have said there was no way I'd stay. But you take one day at a time and when you see a change, you make note of it and move on. But it all comes down to you. It's often mentioned around here that it's a marathon and not a sprint. It's up to you to see if you can go the distance.

But always stay proactive. Always be doing something either for yourself and your kids first and foremost and when the opportunity arises, for your spouse.