Paroled !!! MLC prison no more!!!

[ericmsant2]

Swiss miss, rings, missher

This is a hard posting to respond to for me. You know where I am at in my process so please consider this when you read my response.

First, a mutual friend of ours used a line in a response to me that I have been dying to use and I now have a chance to so here goes…

“do what you need to do – f*ck what I say…I’m just words on a screen brother”

Okay, so here goes….

1) Do you what YOU want to DO. No one should question your CHOICES EXCEPT YOU.

I am open to reconciliation

Ask yourself why? Is it because it is familiar? Is it because you loved her as a person? Why is it that you are open to reconciliation? Answer this and you just may have your answer.

I am more than mildly interested in at this point.

I am in the same boat Miss. So is this person the “back up plan”? If so, is it fair to her?

When I called her back, she was pleasant and asked how I was doing.

Ya know I just saw a post from Sandi over in newcomers where she said something along the lines of “this is where men mess up – they think that the minute a women is nice and wants to have a nice time, that it means she wants to reconcile”. Miss, maybe your W just wants to maintain a good R with you for the sake of the children. The question I think you should ask yourself is WHY are you thinking that she is trying to feel you out? Oh, another question is why do you give a chit?

She said she wanted to do it as a thank you for helping her to move into her new place, duplex with 2 bedrooms.

Maybe you should believe that all she wants is to thank you for helping her move. BTW, IF she said she wanted to reconcile, would you serve ice cream with the…..

My concern here is that if I go over there and have dinner with her and the kids, the kids will get a mixed message

Who is the kids parent? Who has provided the stable direction for them?

D14 and I have already had this discussion.....she wants us to "start acting divorced" meaning no more hugs and kisses.

Your D, who by the way is adorable is telling you what she wants. Having said this, I do not believe that YOUR kids should be controlling how you live your life. It seems to me that your D is telling you “chit or get off the pot”.

The other concern is that as I start to get a little more serious with this other woman I really need to back off of my STBXW.

Once again, IMO, we can either “feel” done OR “choose to be done”. Dude, stop for one second man, think about everything you want in your life, think about who better yet the type of person YOU want in your life. Is your W that person?

I am okay with the contact we have had and I am still pressing forward with the divorce.

Why are you still pressing forward? You either want this or ya don’t. IMO, do not let YOUR “feelings” drive what your mind tell you to do.

I am not going to pursue it and to be honest I am not even sure that unless she met certain conditions (transparency) that I would want to try.

Put your eggs in the “transparency” basket and you will fail IMO. With technology the way it is today, if someone wants to contact another person they will and YOU will not know.
TRUST Miss….can you TRUST her? I have myself questioned if trust could be re-established and although I initially thought it could not I now believe it can. Does Chris want to do that work?

Do I care???

Do you? You tell me.

If I say no and she later reveals that she was reaching out, how will I feel???

Man is it easy to Monday morning quarterback. What if? Maybe? Could have? Should have? Miss, I think for most of us, we will always have a little of that what if thoughts in our mind. What if I did more, could I have done more, what if she did this or did that. Man, we can’t live in the what if?

Dude, your spinning again. I know how it feels. I will support whatever YOU decide to do! Whatever! I love ya like a bro man and want nothing but the best for YOU.

Ya know what? YOU decide what is best for YOU.
You can let her go now….change your mind tomorrow, change it again 2 years from now. All of this is on YOU.

As for me, what I would…..

I’d go to dinner..try and have a nice dinner with my kids (keep a check on my anger). I would not push, not look into anything and IF my W made a move on me….I would tell her that we are getting divorced and I do not believe it is a good idea. I would also tell her that I am involved with someone else and that we BOTH must now LIVE with the CHOICES that we BOTH made.

At the end of the day, Miss….YOU CHOOSE. Stop for a second and revel in that thought for a second. In some ways, you need to thank your W.

I’m here for you man….

Oh...and I have an idea....can you ask her to invite me so that you have someone else to hang out with? LOL

With love,
Eric