He told me I have 60 days to move out - that he's letting go of the house into foreclosure (all in his name) and we'll have about 60 days before the eviction. He told me to move on, find my own place. He's 100% done.
I told him I'd give him the divorce, that I accept he's moving out and I need to move on too. But that I disagree with what he's doing, this isn't what I want and I think he needs to get help for depression before he continues to make such life altering decisions that affect more than just himself. That I want to keep the peace in the house, remain friends, end the marriage with dignity and class. That I can't control his behavior, but I plan to keep my integrity and move on with no regrets. That I want no stress or drama around the boys, nor do I want to be badmouthed to them so he can save face. He owes me that much. I asked to be kept on his health insurance until the divorce and we'd talk later about everything else. I thanked him for supporting me through work stuff, taking on the bills when I was between jobs, for all the good times that he seems unable to remember right now. That I accept my responsibility for my problems, for not being a perfect wife but I did my best and at the end of the day, he and the boys knew every single day that I loved them and was there for them. That I wish him the best, but I deserve a man who will fight for our marriage, our family and me and someone who doesn't run when it gets too hard. I will be out in 60 days.
He teared up, kept his head down. He knows he's messed up, he knows I've been his best friend for 4 years and he is screwing up. I know guilt and embarrassment are eating at him, and he's terrified I will tell his family and friends. I know he signed up on the dating site because his self-esteem is zero right now... and to be purely honest, I let him down on that. I've bitched and screamed so much in the past year about him not being there for me that I'm a big contributor to him not being there for me. I own that. I'm not making excuses for him, I just know that it takes 2 people and I'm not blameless. I HAVE to learn from my mistakes, so I don't repeat them in future relationships. Not that I will ever have one, I give up. But I read those e-mails to the women on the dating site... he was desperate for attention, a compliment, someone respecting him. I am angry at him, I am. He's hurt me horribly and he's taken me for granted. But it's hard to not feel sorry for this broken man that was once my husband. He needs help. I know that's not my responsibility though and I can't fix him.
As I type this, I can hear him crying downstairs, sniffling, trying not to actually cry. The saddest part is if he'd just cry to me, with me... we wouldn't be here.
I am bound and determined to walk out of here with dignity. To not be a shrew hell bent on getting even or what's mine (though I won't be a fool either). But to make him live the rest of his life regretting letting me go or to fight to get me back. But either way, I have to move on.
I just don't want to.
I hope I did the right thing saying that to him. He's seemingly softened a bit since I said that.
