I stopped over at this forum to get a little inspiration for myself. I had to respond to yours, though. I have no advice but seriously, do these people all read from the same playbook???
I have been accused for being mean. Exactly the same words. What was my transgression? He said that he wanted to separate and I told him that while I don't agree with him, that I wanted to support him and I would help him. The next day, it was thrown in my face and he said that I was mean. I can honestly tell you, I was nothing but kind in that conversation.
As far as this rapid transition from I need to think to I want out: same thing. I think if you took a poll here, there are tons of people saying the same thing. As much as I want to say and truly believe our S's are nuts, we have to remember, that we go through similar ups and downs. One day I have hope. One day all hope is lost. I mean really, get off their roller coaster! Get off. Stop analyzing every word, movement, touch, non-touch, look, attitude, etc. Get off the coaster. If you're anything like me, you can maintain that for about 6 days, then you freak. That's what I keep doing. So my job is to figure out what to do differently on Day 7 before I freak. You know?
The "new" things that anger her really stuck with me. Whenever he tells me about his unhappiness and now the divorce he wants, there is a new thing on the list about what has made him unhappy. I try to validate but sometimes it just makes me sick because its not true! I give him some BS about I can see how you interpret it that way... blah, blah, blah. But I have said it before and I'll say it again, the re-writing of history is the hardest to take.
DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT let her push your buttons. I let him push my buttons (because he knows where every single one is) and I react. My marriage will likely end because I can't stop reacting. I'm telling you, do not react. Validate. You don't have to agree, just validate.
