DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

[ScaredinCanada]

Hey mj144,

Being removed from my emotions is just simply that I now have the ability to effectively control my emotions when it comes to my W. I don't get worked up when she says things or if she doesn't act in a way that I would expect.

It's allowed me to detach with better results than I had in the past. I'm on Day #5 today, and I feel good.

My W even started a R talk last night as I when she came home I was talking to my F on the phone with regards to my GM.

She started by asking about the conversation and then seemed to just want to talk about us.

I didn't take it too seriously, and tried my best to just validate what she was saying. I can see it in her that she is really struggling with the fact that I am becoming a different person. She is starting to question herself when it comes to doubting my changes are real - which means my detaching is working!!

She still threw in a few jabs, and went back a couple of times to complain about what I did or didn't do 10 years ago - but I was fine with that. I just told her I know how she feels and I understand, but that I cannot do anything about the past I can simply be better now and in the future.

She also told me that she isn't happy in this marriage and I told her I understand and agreed that I'd lost focus on EVERYTHING that was truly important in my life and that I wanted to build a new healthy marriage with her.

I know that I am getting through to her, I can see it. Being removed from my emotions is making all the difference in the world. It's making her curious and it's making her start to believe in the changes I am making.

I have no idea how long it will take - but I believe it's only a matter time before she turns the corner and we can start piecing.

Our anniversay is this coming Sunday and I know it's going to be another test for her. I'm not sure what she will do if anything, but I asked her earlier last night if she still wanted to go for dinner. She basically avoided it and said she had to work. I'm not going to push it, I have a card for her that I am going to try and give to her indirectly and should she not follow through on going out for dinner I'm simply going to plan a nice dinner (I love to cook!) as a family celebration as was suggested to at least show the importance of the day to our family.

I hope I answered you question - I believe it's part of detaching I've just used different words to describe how it feels to me.