I will try to make this short but still hit all the main points. W Left 21 Oct 10. We have been talking and I even went to go see her in Oklahoma. I live in Jersey. She says she felt broken and shattered she needed to leave for her sanity. She got a job where she grew up and an apartment. Contact began a few weeks after she left. Most of the contact was initiated by her. Normally we would talk for several hours and when we didn’t talk we would text till 3am. Went to see her in Oklahoma in December and spent 5 days. No sex but we did talk and I did see her everyday while I was there. We left agreeing to talk more often; at this point we had been talking about 1-2 times a week. Upon my return we spoke every day until after Christmas and we didn’t speak for two days. I was depressed because of the holidays and sent her a nasty text that got an equal nasty response. Up until that point her mantra was 1 day at a time and no promises. On Jan 5th she filed. Spoke that day for over two hours, I did not know about the filing but at the end of the conversation she told me. I was furious but kept my anger in check. After I hung up she texted around 1:30am and we texted back and forth, she said she felt as if she had no choice and she was angry at the world not just me. Next day the text continued and I asked her not to do this still believing she had not actually filed. She said “you can’t ram your opinion down my throat and I don’t see how it could work out. I can’t just forgive and forget and start fresh like you can” We agreed not to talk anymore because all we were doing was hurting each other. Sunday she called and we spoke debt, I told her if the divorce is what she wanted I would not fight her and I agreed with her she said this was her closure she had to file and she did not know what would happen in the future and at some point we might talk again. But we needed time to heal because we were both hurting and angry. Monday I got the divorce papers and she contacted me via text Monday to remind me about some bills that needed taken care off. Tuesday we briefly spoke about some bills and she was angry because of all the credit card debt I had left her I told her she had a right to hate me and I would not blame her if she did not ever want to talk to me again. She said I don’t hate you I am just mad at life. Last night she spoke to my daughter (we have been together since my daughter was one) she said “damn you for putting us in this situation and hurting her” I told her the blame lied with me and not to blame herself. We spoke a few minutes and she said she would call her again tomorrow, which is today. So here are my questions……. Am I hoping a hopeless dream? Realistically how many people stop divorce after it has been filed? I feel that as long as I have hope I am keeping myself from moving forward. I read Michele’s book and practiced it for awhile but then went right back to making all the mistakes you’re not suppose to make and she filed. We can speak as often as I like she always answers or returns my calls but usually I don’t call her she calls me. I did my first DB session with Jody this week and have my second set up for Monday. Right now I have the papers and I am going to be signing them this week but I really think that at one point we are both going to look back and say this could have been saved and I want to do it before it is too late. I know about getting a life and making changes but she has already secured a loan for the divorce and knowing her I just don’t see her throwing that money away to stop the divorce can the changes come too late? So many questions so little answers………….
