Sorry to hear about your D. I know how hard that can be. That you have the strength to deal with it alone says alot about you.
If I may offer this: My D has had some pretty serious stuff go on (if you message me on FB I can be more specific) and while I have let H know when it gets really bad, I don't bother otherwise. My D is still a minor and while you can argue that he should know (and I tend to agree) he sees her once a week and asks her to fill him in on all that's going on (her usual answer is "ok"). He does not ask me or her C. I think this is his way of connecting with her so I let it go.
You will get to the point where you let more and more go sweetie. Just take care of you and be there for your D.
