Sandi, did your H ask you at some point or did you voluntarily give up pics, delete emails, etc?
The first time he confronted me, he told me I needed to delete anything I had, and I did. However, in my case...I went deeper uncover so he couldn't find my emails. But my EA was not with a local person. I never met him in person. My EA lasted longer than your W's b/c I did not want my fantasy to end.
You asked about why your feelings suddenly changed toward wanting your W so badly after discovering OM. Even though I've not been a LBS, I know human nature. OM was a "challenge" for you to win the female! You thought you didn't want her until somebody else showed a desire for her....then she began to look more valuable.
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I am doing the things I did when corting her. I'm not being a doormat. I'm just doing those thoughtful things that take almost no effort but bring a sense of love.
I don't see that being a doormat at all. Is acts of service her LL? How about flowers & small gifts? There are many things you could do to inspire her feelings. But, I would suggest you start out slow & easy to test the waters and see how she responds.
Oh, and let me give you a tip about the girls in the office where she works. Sending something to her on special occasions is great and the women will carrying on about it (which your W will like that). But if you were to suddenly start sending flowers without the calendar indicating you should, those women will start drilling your W trying to find out "why" she's getting them. Women can be very nosey.
I have an idea. Valentine day will be coming up soon. Don't send any flowers or candy before then. Concentrate on acts of service, but think of little "surprises" you could buy or do (whatever works), and let that "build up" to Feb. 14th. Then have something very special planned for the two of you on the weekend of Valentine's. Here's the tricky part, you will need to watch her body language and if you see her withdrawing....put the breaks on. If she's not ready for ML, then she'll feel tense about any romantic dinners or get-away weekend. So, to protect your own feelings, you may want to plan something that is on the lighter side of romance.
When there has not be any sex in a while, and the H suddenly takes her to a nice hotel or out to a beautiful restraunt....she thinks it's b/c he's wanting to prep her for sex. And, he is. (lol) So, your test will be to stay away from R talk, and follow her lead to see how things go. You should know your W well enough to tell if she's responding all warm & loving....and if you need to take it a step further.
This could be a big gamble if you get too wrapped up in the outcome. Don't set yourself up for disappointment! The entire weekend could be a time of just having fun and relaxing with each other. Have little surprises along the way throughout the weekend......letting it build up to the big one. You could plan it for Sunday night, or send flowers to her workplace Monday, which would be the 14th,......anyway, just some thoughts. I don't know if she's ready for all that or not.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
