10 years ago i averted a WAS situation by finding DB and applying it. It worked for a time. Most of those habits continued. I don't think the underlying issues my W has were ever resolved though despite my efforts. She's went through every kind of physical test and been to counselling to resolve her unhappiness issues over years and years. There has been no resolution. My years of giving but years of neglect on her part and the environment of unhappiness (and loneliness) has taken its toll on me and perhaps changed my behaviour, especially in the last 2 years. I can't sit here truly and be an impartial judge to my own behaviour. I know i am not perfect and have many faults my own.
There was an interesting turn of events last night. I apologized for maybe being curt and angry after she told me about the lawyer. I explained that of course having a separation agreement and using the same lawyer if things were amicable was 'likely' okay. It seems the lawyer did present the rules and options as they are and she now talking about only a legal separation for the foreseeable future and not D.
I took it a step forward, and i know its not always advised here, but i copied and printed the first few sections of Divorce Remedy and asked W to read it. I copied it to remove any obvious website information. I think it was very useful because we had a fruitful discussion awhile later (the first in many so years) and W commented that perhaps a separation would just help her to realize what i meant to her in the marriage. To me, as long as she truly is testing the waters this way, its a good sign...perhaps.
Still though, the separation path looks to be still continuing. I think she is setting herself up for more unhappiness, lowever standard of living, more stress etc. Having her read DR a bit, and discuss her underlying unhappiness was good i think as we discussed her perhaps carrying unresolved issues along with her that won't help any future relationships. I think she sees that - or at least i hope she does. She was talkative and chipper on the drive to work this morning which is odd but im not going to read much into this.
