On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[Denver_2010]

Response to Hope2011 from my other thread:

"Hi Denver,


Our sitches have some similarities. Mostly, the lashing out at each other. You're doing good at keeping your cool. Also, my H and I are from different backgrounds. He was a bank VP living in a fancy house driving an expensive car, I work in the non-profit sector. I've done in a lot in my career, he respects that, but my income has not helped take all his bills away and resents that. He brings up our differences in "lifestyles" frequently... meaning money. So I feel for your wife on that... feeling inadequate, feeling like having so much less money leaves inequality and a powerless feeling. If you truly mean to take on the debts yourself... offering her a LS just for that, for her piece of mind, to rebuild trust... do it. IF that's what's best for you too and you were planning to take on the debt anyway.

Don't mean to highjack your thread but a few questions:

1. When you became a WAH, what changed your mind and made you want to try again? Me being a WAH was just a fantasy that I went a little too far acting out. I knew deep down that I was not going to D W even though I had thoughts about it. The worst thing about it though is that I let it go on for months at a time. This turned W into WAW.

2. Did you ever look down on your W for making so much less than you and for giving her and her son things she could have never afforded? I didn't meant to do this, but I think that W perceived that I did. Mainly for the same reason that you say that you can relate to W... she wasn't able to help much with paying down our debt. I also made demeaning comments about her low salary in the past when we'd argue about the time that I spent at my job. I felt unappreciated for providing so well for W and SS and lashed out when I was then criticized about it.

3. Did you go to church before this? Is she religious? What does she say about you going to church? I did not go to church before this. W said a number of times that we should start going as a family. I was resistant bc I am agnostic and didn't see the point if I didn't have 'faith'. I started going once W left me bc I was so utterly devastated that I needed any and all positive experiences that I could find. I have found the positive experience that I was looking for, but also a new found respect for the messages that are given in church. I think it can be good for anyone. While she has not said anything to me directly about me going now, I have heard from FIL that she thinks that it is just a ploy to get her to come back. I need to show her that it is not, that I am doing it for me. That is true.