On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[Denver_2010]

FOBD - I'm happy that you're back. I was starting to get concerned that you had abandoned us I think that there are a few gents on here that have similar situations to mine, but your's is most similar bc our W's are both out of the home. Mine may be a bit worse bc I'm pretty confident that there is EA going on with W. I'm not sure of its status since I haven't asked in weeks.

Anyway, I called W this evening. We made some idle chit chat about her work. I then told her that I was just calling to say "hello" and to see "how she is doing". She was surprised bc she expected that I had called for a purpose. I said no, that I just wanted to say 'hi' and let her know that I am still here for her and SS if they need me for anything. She said 'thank you. I appreciate that.'... I said 'well, I'm still your husband and I think about, and worry, about you guys every day." She said 'thank you' again. She was working when I called, so I told her that I'd let her get back to it. And we said goodbye.

The whole call was 4 minutes long, but seemed like an eternity. It was so nice to hear her voice, even if it was for just a short time. She wasn't exactly warm towards me, but it wasn't cold either.

FOBD, you talk about crying for days when you thought that you were doing better, that is exactly what I have been doing for the past 4 myself. I went an entire week feeling pretty confident and strong, but when Friday evening rolled around I hit a major bump in the road.

Not sure if you read my longer post from last night, but I met with FIL for coffee last night. He told me that he heard from W's mom that W doesn't think that I love her and am just waiting for her to file for D so that I can get her to take on 1/2 of our debt. She thinks this bc I haven't called her, sent her flowers, or asked her on a date. The problem with this info is that it is double hearsay, i.e., from W to M to FIL to me. I don't know the context of how all of that was actually said. Anyway, it has me doubting the rule of not initiating contact with W. That is why I broke down and called her tonight.

I don't know how it was received by W. I hope that it at least makes her realize that I do still care about she and SS and worry about them. Who knows?

The problem with contacts like your's and mine is that, at least for me, I get really down afterwards. Bc I want more. I want W to all of sudden start to WANT me to call, or better yet, for her to start contacting me. Instead, I'm probably looking another week at least of no contact. It crushes me. I cried after I got off the phone with her. If it were up to me I would wrap her in my arms and never let her go again.

Sandi - I know that I went against your advice. Please don't give up on me! I had to do this.