Big talk tonight. I am a wreck, need support.

[hope2011]

All I've done for the past month is 180's. If I more, I'll go back to who I was - the woman I was when he signed up on the site. My 180's were working somewhat. In every respect but him on that damn site. We've been talking, laughing, having fun. No fighting, few R talks. Even he said tonight that he sees all the changes and appreciates them. If I go back to angry, yelling, nagging, fed up, sleeping on the sofa when I'm mad at him, not helping enough around the house because I'm a workaholic, not spending time with him and the boys in the evening, weekends.... that's the old me. The 180 me didn't yell at him today, kept my cool, didn't put him down, was his friend, played cards with the boys (and him too after the boys begged him to join us - he didn't want to) - BUT I stood up for myself and changed those passwords. I told him I just deleted them.

I live with him, I can't go dark. That will push him farther away. So will moving out. He's looking for any excuse to blame me for the end of the marriage. I can't do that. *I* can't live with that. It took me 2 years to stop beating myself when my XH walked out for OW. I can't do that again. I have to know I did everything right, everything I could.

I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. Is it hopeless? Do WAS get this close to cheating and come back?