I don't ask the money question to be cynical, I'm sure the connection part is real. My perspective is that people often ignore the 400 pound gorilla.
If money is important to her, youth is important to her, these things may be about her image or her life as she dreamed it would be. Waiting for someone to snap out of an MLC isn't always the best strategy...MEET THAT NEED of hers. That makes you the more attractive option. As sandi2 describes well, when you are the more attractive option, THAT'S WHEN you have are in a good place to set boundaries while growing your relationship. (That's what we call piecing--the growing, starting over part.)
So if there is something you can do to improve your job situation, your income, your fun or coolness level (according to HER view), you will be in a place of greater strength.
If money is important to her, youth is important to her, these things may be about her image or her life as she dreamed it would be. Waiting for someone to snap out of an MLC isn't always the best strategy...MEET THAT NEED of hers. That makes you the more attractive option. As sandi2 describes well, when you are the more attractive option, THAT'S WHEN you have are in a good place to set boundaries while growing your relationship. (That's what we call piecing--the growing, starting over part.)
So if there is something you can do to improve your job situation, your income, your fun or coolness level (according to HER view), you will be in a place of greater strength.
What do YOU think you can do?
Bottom line is we make enough between us to live comfortibly enough, but seperately would be a financial struggle for sure.
I could look for something else, but I am tethered by my licensing to present employer and he would be really screwed if I left. And the economy in my sector is not recovering fast enough for higher paying positions to come open - excuses I know. I can still look around, but wouldn't hold my breath. I wouldn't make a lateral move.
I am not sure that I am competing with the OM directly, but more of an idea of another life. Heck she used our money to fly away and stay in a hotel at OM's invite, and he didn't shell out a nickle.
My competition I think is a fantasy of freedom like Angel61 alluded to; bunko, tailgating, girls night out, flirting with other men, maybe meeting someone special or younger, all the while still being mom but not wife KWIM?
I remember not too long ago we were hanging out at the home of some close friends, just chatting and enjoying each other's company, and she said we were boring. Right now I don't get any indication she wants me to meet her needs.
I've got to think hard to come up with someting,'cause I am not one of the girls, or a new guy, or younger etc. I'm trying to be fun, but it's hard in the cold.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Just read the specifics of what led you here Pickle. Our stories are very, very similar. I guess we at least see where we messed up so that we can learn from it. I hope that you are doing well.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
What did you used to do together when you were in love?
That's just it. We used to do together. Get a sitter and go on a date or with another couple. We behaved like a couple, nothing special.
It's easier if I list what we don't do together(more often than not) which we almost always did together.
Go to mass. Watch TV (a program we both liked) Go out for a drink or coffee. Go out to dinner. Shopping Plan home improvements (His Honey Do's) Plan home decor (Her Honey Do's) Read in bed (before going to sleep or ML) Talk, talk Oh and Talk.
All blase stuff, nothing out of the ordinary. She seemed happy, and I assume half the blame for letting it slip away.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Just read the specifics of what led you here Pickle. Our stories are very, very similar. I guess we at least see where we messed up so that we can learn from it. I hope that you are doing well.
Celebrated S11's birthday today, so updated the profile. Nothing new to report. W is still the same distant person. I havn't noticed any changes in her. It's cold out here man.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I seriously doubt if it's as cold there as it is here in Colorado!
I'm about to have a major backslide... I can't take the no contact bw W and I. I'm going to call her to see how she is doing...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I seriously doubt if it's as cold there as it is here in Colorado!
I was speaking figuratively; W is as cold as icicle toward me.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I seriously doubt if it's as cold there as it is here in Colorado!
I was speaking figuratively; W is as cold as icicle toward me.
I was too... only bc of darkness bw W and I... haven't even had a chance for W to be cold to me. I'd almost take that right now...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
