I am also a husband who emotionally, spiritually and mentally abused his wife. For six years, I put her through my addiction with porn, lies and anger (both to cover my guilt and my addiction). Counselling only worked for a couple or so months, then I would relapse again. I even did it when she was pregnant with our son. I was also not a proper man and provider for her when we were cash strapped; I would wait for the good-paying jobs rather than deliver pizza or work at a supermarket to make ends meet.
So finally after a 6 month separation, she announced she wants a divorce. The separation itself woke me up big time. I renewed my once close relationship with God, became accountable to my elders and close church friends, have been taking care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually. My reawakening has also made me fall deeply in love with my wife again, but unfortunately now there's no one there to receive that love. I am trying hard to show her (by actions) that I mean it this time, and not like every other time I "promised" I wouldn't go back to porn. We still live in the same house, but because she's in medical school, which takes up most of yout energy and time each day, she has no obligation to notice my changes. It hasn't helped either that I lost my job the same week she announced the separation (not related). I've applied to pretty much everything under the sun, but no bites yet. And this has definitely made her more sure than ever to divorce me.
DB & DR have helped me greatly, besides prayer and the hope that God can soften hearts as well as He can harden them.
I do have a couple of questions, though: 1. I'm trying to be nice and positive whenever I'm with my wife, but because of the great amount of resentment and fear she has, she doesn't trust me with our 2 year old son, and downright questions my techniques and motives in front of him. Do I just say something like "ok, I'm sorry, I'll keep that in mind", or do I need to put my foot down when it comes to our child? 2. Because of my job situation, she now wants to pay me (with her school loans) to do chores and other things, which I already do since she's been so tied up in med school. She wants me to have money to pay for half of everything, but I principally do not like the idea of her paying me. Lately this has become her hot button issue. I know she notices my changes I'm trying to make and 180s, and yet she has been skirting to other things like work and money to find reasons to maintain her decision. I know she resents and doesn't trust me, but her skirting is driving me crazy. I don't know what to expect each time she confronts me.
Thanks for letting me rant, but I'm an former addict and wife abuser who hopes that I can offer and share with my wife the love that she truly deserves.
