Still lost but still searching

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Tank, no LBS wants our children around the OM/OW. It's confusing to them, it' wrong, it's whatever...

I worried that they'd actually like him, seeing as how he was a friend of mine prior to the affair.

Getting a divorce isn't going to prevent that from happening.

You're starting to give up...or you have given up?

[tank]

Getting the divorce wont prevent it from happening. I will prevent them from having anything to do with OM until they prove he isnt using or drinking.

I have told W that she is more than welcome to spend her visit at my home. I want her to see the kids still. She can bring food and cook it here. they can go outside do things here. She can take them anywhere OM isnt.

What the divorce will do is be the final closing of my marriage. It will be the end of this roller coaster ride. From here on out the lawyers and the judge can deal with this. i dont have to interact with her. Her mom will take care of that for me.

I can focus 100 percent on me and my kids. I dont want to admit defeat, but I just dont have the energy or motivation to deal with her anymore. I just dont want to.

[lostinscared]

Tank,

If you don't want to, you shouldn't deal with it anymore. However, please go slow because I don't want to see you make this decision because you are going through a particularly low point. I want to see you make this decision because it is truly in your heart what you want.

Take care of yourself and keep talking.

[tank]

So i told w today that i was tired of the ups and downs associated with having her in my life. She knows why i wont let the OM near my children and also what is required for me to stop enforcing that decision. I told her i would not fight with her about it or anything else anymore. I was finished with the drama. My attention, my health, my energy and my love is needed by my children.

I told her i was sorry she made these bad decisions in her life and that if she is trying to improve her life then good for her. I just cant keep supporting her when she treats me like sh*T.

I also told her that until she shows me respect and stops treating me like sh@t, i will not talk to her about anything other than the kids.

I have told her that she can have her visits at my house for a short while if that is her only option, as i want her to see the children.

[lostinscared]

Tank,

Those were all excellent talking points. Excellent boundary setting. I wish I had your strength. Couple of questions:

1) How are you feeling after you told her these things?
2) What was her reaction?

Take care.

[lostinscared]

Tank,

Where are you? How are you doing? Are you ok?