On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[Denver_2010]

I mean she might be saying she doesn't love you or want to be with you.

Do you only love your W when she is peaceful and agreeable?

That is what I mean. And that is what I learned by this journey.

I understand. No Grit, I love my W regardless. I always have. I wish that I understood then how to show that I still loved her even when I was angry with her or disagreed with her. Thank you again for the words that you use to convey what you are saying. I wish that I were at peace with my place here as you are Grit.

This relationship is very difficult to detach from and that is why you are having such a difficult time.

That, and the fact that I don't want to detach. Don't get me wrong, I want to stop hurting, to stop missing my W, to stop hoping that I will have her back soon... But I don't yet understand the difference bw detaching and letting my love for W fade. It is the only thread left bw W and I.

You want to save her from her choices. You feel you caused them.

Two things happen when you fix/control/rescue.

You are wanting a result. You get validation from your role of the fixer. It makes you feel good. You believe you are doing good.

The person you are trying to fix doesn't get better. You get resentful for your efforts or unfulfilled expectations. You begin to verbalize or otherwise act that out. You feel you failed.

The fixee feels like they can't do anything for themselves. they lose self confidence, they begin to allow you to fix everything and rely on you to do it. They feel incompetent, less of the whole that is the union of two people.

This is a downward spiral.

A major contributor to the downfall of my M I'm afraid.

I think there are ways to SHOW your W you love her. First you need to get to knowing what that means to you.

Your old M was broken by two people. One of those two has to lead the way to a new one.

I have learned a lot about what love means to me. Though I know that I'm not completely there yet.

I don't know HOW to show my W that I love her when she is not open to it.