H was out of town last week on business. Older D has been struggling with some issues for a while, and I learned lately how serious they had become. I decided that H had a right to know how bad things were for her, and I asked him via em to find a time to discuss. He said he would call me at x time, but I already had plans and told him so, along with a time when I would be available, but that I was also going to visit D the next day and might not be available while there. I was home earlier than expected. Checking my email, I found an electronic boarding pass for his return trip, not to our city, but to OW's, a 6-hour drive away. He had missed the email address confirmation when he checked in. Ugh. Another slap in the face. Nevertheless, I drafted an email forwarding it to him, saved it to send after our convo, and then collected myself to talk only about D when he called.
He called 1 min. after the time I gave him, and we talked for about an hour. He knew some of what was going on, but not the history or the most important parts, so I gave him the full story. I admit to saying a few things that perhaps I shouldn't have -- that I wasn't sure he was in a position to help much, that I understood some of what D was going through because I had been there myself, that we all had our issues to work out -- but nothing made him defensive. In fact, he listened attentively. His responses were very subdued and sad.
After we hung up, I sent him the boarding pass with a note that I would send him his login info for all of his ff accounts that I used to manage, and asking him to change the pws and em addresses so I wouldn't get any more of his travel notices. I was to the point and perfectly civil, but did not sign "Love, Twink" as usual because, frankly, I was quite unhappy that he hadn't been more careful after the cc charge the week before. I sent the follow-up the next day, then went to spend the weekend with D.
Sunday, H tm'ed me to ask if he should try to see D on his way home (from OW's), and what my travel plans were. I told D of the tm, and that if she wanted to see H, I would make myself scarce. She said she would text him. I replied to H that I expected to come home Monday, and that D would text him. I'm not sure if she ever did, but I do know that he left her a vm asking her if she could have lunch, and they did not see each other.
So Monday, when I returned home, I had an em from H saying that he knew I had used his ff miles in the past to travel to or with Ds when the prices were likely to be high, and he was willing to continue to make them available to me (now that I no longer had access to his account), signed "Love, H." I was half hoping / expecting that he would sense my pull-back and do the same. No such luck. I guess this is the pursuit and distance dance. Oh, joy.
I keep thinking how sh*ty it is that H is off off playing house with a woman who thinks it's ok to date a married man and to model that behavior for her daughter, while his friend and partner of 40 years has dealt with his daughters' issues and her mother's last years alone. My thought-stopping clearly needs some work!
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
