It is different Harrier, all the DB stuff that you learn to protect you, hurts you in piecing.
That being said:
MrBond:
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Have you and your W discussed an open infidelity policy? This is where she has to tell you when she talks to the OM no matter how small and contrite that interaction might seem to her. She has to prove to you that she can be trusted.
In cases where an A has occurred, it is the WAS's responsibility to alleviate the fears of the LBS. That is the only way to total healing. There are several great websites and books on that subject of healing from infidelity. If she is serious about R, she will have to put in the work.
And Sandi:
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She needs to realize that she has violated the trust in the M. She has to give you time to get over that. She should have told you, "Look, I've got to have a phone conference with OM. Just wanted you to know that it's business." But with her not saying anything, it would look suspicious. Could you tell if it was during working hours?
I don't believe phone calls, emails, TM's or anything should exclude your S being able to look.....if he/she wanted. I expected my H to follow my computer activity for a while and I didn't blame him. He needed reassurance that I was through with OM.
Instead of beating yourself up for "checking up" on your W, tell her that she will need to be patient with you until you can feel completely assured that the M is affair proof. It is not a sign of weakness on your part to ask her. It is reasonable.
Are correct.
You're not being weak for wanting...needing this assurance. You're rebuilding trust, it needs to be verified until the day comes when you're sure of the foundation you both rebuilt.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
