Big talk tonight. I am a wreck, need support.

[hope2011]

I'm a wreck, guys, need some support.

He kept the profile up on the dating site, had it hidden. He made the mistake of "winking" at a former co-worker of mine that he hadn't met. She recognized the photo of the dog he put on his profile. My dog. She forwarded it to me and I looked.... our wedding photos with me cropped out. Photos of us on dates with me cropped out. Not a single photo posted that either isn't me cropped out or that I took. His whole profile... ugh. Lies about his age, lies about wanting kids, etc.

I log into his acct, his password is one of our kids names so it wasn't hard. He's sent over 200 msg's to women since the beggining of December. Over 180 "winks". Even while I thought we were doing good, working on things. Aggressively perusing them, complimenting them, telling them things he hasn't told me in so long. Strangers he doesn't even know. This morning, he bought me breakfast up to my office, last night we cuddled on the sofa. Today, I find out he's been trying to set up "coffee dates" as late as yesterday. All sent to a new e-mail I didn't know about with the same easy password.

I changed the passwords. I msg'd every single woman and told them he is still married, I still sleep beside him, I still do his laundry. That his profile is a lie and he's a married man. Asking if they met him in person, to please e-mail me and tell me. I need to know the truth. If he met any of them - I can't keep going on. I'm barely able to keep trying now.

He just got home from picking up the boys from baseball practice. Not one ounce of remorse, he's not sorry at all. Mad at me for "hacking" his profile and e-mail. I "invaded his privacy". No apology, no explanation. Nothing. I didn't lose my temper, raise my voice, accuse him of anything. I just asked him why he did it. No response. He's defensive, even snickering a little. At this moment.... I truly hate him. But I still love him and am wondering what is wrong with ME that I am still here after he repeatedly hurts me and obviously cares nothing about me?

I know, I know, I'm supposed to be focused on me and not what he's doing. But right now.... I just found out and this really hurts.