Hi, I have been workng the suggestions Sandy had posted for me ealier last month. Doing 180's, staying cheerful, avoiding r talks, GAL, etc. Things have gotten better but I am still obsessed and concerned he is in contact with the ow he was talking with online. She lives in the DC area and they only met at a work funtion last year and started chatting via facebook back in october, he swears it never got any futher than talking online and emails. Once I found out things fell apart and he agreed to stop contact but started talking about possible seperation, not feeling the same about me etc. He even defended her saying things like "she doesn't want to interfer in his marriage". He has a work trip coming up in two weeks to DC and I am scared to death that he is going to meet up with her...what should I do? Also he is drinking so much lately to deal with his stress and it is concerning. If I confront him he will be angry and very defensive, any serious talks with him at this point freak him out and he pulls away. Any advice?
That work trip, I'm assuming he cannot unattend it and remain in good graces with his company.
That is pretty much going to happen.
You're going to make yourself sick worrying about it and what he is doing, or what you think he is doing.
Is he going to see her? It would be naive not to think so.
His drinking, it is a problem, at least you believe it is, by that I mean we LBS tend to read alot in tea leaves and usually see the worst.
Is he an alcoholic, or just drinking a little more than usual? Unable to approach him about it, he isn't going to see a problem until he sees it as a problem. I'm pretty sure there are some books out there that might help you deal or guide you in how to approach him maybe an Al-Anon program you can check out?
The serious talks...if something isn't working for you change your approach. Change tactics unti you find something that does work.
Have you checked out DR yet? Has anything in the book clicked with you?
As for the trip, and this is not something I usually suggest, but if you pack his bags, or have access to them, just a little note. A little note. Nothing deep, nothing serious, nothing about worrying about him meeting her, just a litle note from you to him hoping he has a good trip. A note he can see when he unpacks.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Thanks for the support!! The note is a good idea....I was thinking about it but was afaid it would be to needy looking. My 3 and 5 year old always have a hard time when he travels so I could make something with them to put in his bag. I also am going to ask for his agenda/flight schedule that his work travel agent puts together, he used to give them to me and so it wouldn't be unusual.
