DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

[Bolt]

SIC and habitacker, I've been following this thread and can offer big words of encouragement. I've been pursuing so hard since the bomb and was getting basically nowhere. I've let the foot off the pedal and have gotten very positive results.

I think it's a fine line. Become the person she wants to be married to IF you are good with being that person. She doesn't necessarily want to change you but to return you to where you were.

I was selfish, self-serving and didn't know it. The bomb opened my eyes.

Now instead of pursuing (which is KILLING me not to do), I've given her space and been very respectful and attentive. The rewards are slow but more than I can imagine.

Who knew that her simply rolling over in bed and putting her arm around me would mean so much?

Just keep it up - it will be worth it!

[ScaredinCanada]

I think being detached from my emotions is a good thing. I seem to struggle with them constantly and that's what gets me in trouble. Today is day 3 of emotions in check and it feel pretty good.

I got some bad news, my grand-mother fell last night and broke her hip. I hope I get a chance to stop and see her at the hospital on my way home from work.

When it rains it pours.

[angel61]

Taking your own advice - that is so true. We learn things and they go over our heads until it is time to pass it on to others. Then thats when it really sinks in. So keep advising others, it is part of the learning process!

Being detached from your emotions IS a GOOD thing! And even if you backslide, pick yourself up, the next cycle will be even better. I am on Day 7 of my nth cycle and its going better than ever. Its only when you can detach that you start healing.

The first time I did that, my H noticed it right away, and asked me how I seemed to be growing stronger in the midst of it all.

[ScaredinCanada]

SIC and habitacker, I've been following this thread and can offer big words of encouragement. I've been pursuing so hard since the bomb and was getting basically nowhere. I've let the foot off the pedal and have gotten very positive results.

I think it's a fine line. Become the person she wants to be married to IF you are good with being that person. She doesn't necessarily want to change you but to return you to where you were.

I was selfish, self-serving and didn't know it. The bomb opened my eyes.

Now instead of pursuing (which is KILLING me not to do), I've given her space and been very respectful and attentive. The rewards are slow but more than I can imagine.

Who knew that her simply rolling over in bed and putting her arm around me would mean so much?

Just keep it up - it will be worth it!

Thanks Bolt. I appreciate the kind words. Like I said, I'm on day #3 od being "removed from my emotions" and it feels good. I also feel like I'm going to stick with it for sometime now - no setbacks!!

As I also said before the fact that she slow danced with me at my brothers wedding was the highlight of my last 2 months - it's incredible how much I miss the physical connection to her. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, smacking her butt, or ML.

Thanks again for the encouragement! Greatly appreciated.

What's your story, have you posted?

[habitacker]

Thanks Bolt, I need the encouragement to keep it up.

I have not been pursuing and have been a darn good guy. Especially to the kids, for some time now. I'm just not seeing anything changing. If anything I think she sees it as me accepting the D.

I don't see any other options, so I will just keep it up.

[Bolt]

Thanks Bolt. I appreciate the kind words. Like I said, I'm on day #3 od being "removed from my emotions" and it feels good. I also feel like I'm going to stick with it for sometime now - no setbacks!!

As I also said before the fact that she slow danced with me at my brothers wedding was the highlight of my last 2 months - it's incredible how much I miss the physical connection to her. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, smacking her butt, or ML.

Thanks again for the encouragement! Greatly appreciated.

What's your story, have you posted?

You have to embrace those little things and hold on to them. Keep working because I feel those little things will become bigger.

I did post my story on the newcomer thread earlier...guess their checking me out first before it posts

[Bolt]

Thanks Bolt, I need the encouragement to keep it up.

I have not been pursuing and have been a darn good guy. Especially to the kids, for some time now. I'm just not seeing anything changing. If anything I think she sees it as me accepting the D.

I don't see any other options, so I will just keep it up.

Keep the positive jive going too. No matter how you are feeling inside, stay positive. She liked that person at one point, right? She should again. At the very least, you become an even better person not just for your kids but yourself.

Stay strong!

[habitacker]

Bolt, I was reading your post above when you mentioned "results are slow".

It looks like your results are looking pretty good for 3 weeks time. Good for you.

[Bolt]

I guess what I meant by results being slow was that we've been working through issues for a while. It's just that I hit rock bottom when she dropped the bomb.

It's definitely a daily struggle. The hardest thing is to keep things in perspective. If she doesn't want to be touched it may have zero to do with you. It has to do with her.

She actually said that in very kind words this morning. Told me not to take it personally.

I just want to encourage others to keep trying and keep strong.

[habitacker]

I am glad you posted that about the touching.

It is nice your wife can tell you things like this.