This Storm Shall Pass

[AntoniaB]

Sanderika I've heard the same from my H, that he isn't happy and is in fact sad and feels like a failure for divorcing me, but he also feels there is no other option. What he keeps saying to me is that he already broke my heart, he can't break another. I think he decided that one colossal mistake in his life is enough and he won't let another happen (of course staying in a rel. with OW might be colossal mistake number 2).

I know it's hard to hear that and it makes no sense to you, but just understand that the place he is in, well, you're better off in a way. His confusion and issues are bigger than your marriage and it could never work the way things are now.

Divorce isn't always the end--in some cases it sets things on a different track when they realize it isn't the thing that magically fixes them. But it also isn't the "end" in that if he is bent on being this person who can't be an equal, supporting partner to you, ever, then this frees you to heal and to eventually have the opportunity to be with a person who can be in a "whole" relationship with you.

I also want to say I understand the not wanting to break down in front of him. You know what? You probably will. That's ok. It's expected, it happens to all of us usually, and it is your body's way of releasing your tension and anxiety. It's half biological, in fact, and if you expect it and welcome it as cathartic, you can ride that wave instead of letting it knock you off your feet.

Good luck.