Can you clarify what you mean by this "in spite of what she is telling..."????
I mean she might be saying she doesn't love you or want to be with you.
Do you only love your W when she is peaceful and agreeable?
That is what I mean. And that is what I learned by this journey.
If you have a fixer mentality (all men do to some degree I think) and from what you describe you rescued her, there is some things you have to learn about that dynamic.
I read "co dependent no more" I think is the title.
This relationship is very difficult to detach from and that is why you are having such a difficult time.
You want to save her from her choices. You feel you caused them.
Two things happen when you fix/control/rescue.
You are wanting a result. You get validation from your role of the fixer. It makes you feel good. You believe you are doing good.
The person you are trying to fix doesn't get better. You get resentful for your efforts or unfulfilled expectations. You begin to verbalize or otherwise act that out. You feel you failed.
The fixee feels like they can't do anything for themselves. they lose self confidence, they begin to allow you to fix everything and rely on you to do it. They feel incompetent, less of the whole that is the union of two people.
This is a downward spiral.
I am speaking from my own experience here Denver and only you can apply what I am saying to you. And I don't mind you quoting anything of what I have put on these boards.
I am here because of my own journey and if my experience can help someone the way I was helped then I feel I am paying my debt forward.
I think there are ways to SHOW your W you love her. First you need to get to knowing what that means to you.
Love is not fixing/rescuing.
Your journey is not in the rear view mirror it is in the mirror in front of you.
Your old M was broken by two people. One of those two has to lead the way to a new one.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
