SA, I know that you want to be "fair", but you have to look at the entire picture. You were a wife, mother, companion and you might as well say his mother as well. Aim high for the settlement to give you room for negotiation. Don't settle for less... Fair doesn't always work out to be fair to individuals going through a divorce. You are entitled to 1/2 of everything and don't settle for less than that.
As far as I'm concerned and I'm sure others will chime in, the ow doesn't deserve one dime of your share. Who gives a rat's @ss about what the OW wants or needs? She isn't the one that stood by your h during your marriage. Go for the gold and plan to negotiate just a little bit. If he's as desperate as we think he is to run from you and the marriage, he just might settle w/you quickly and give you what you want.
P.S. Fair to him is all for him and nothing for you....so don't feel guilty about going for the gold.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Papers haven't arrived yet, but all I've been doing is formulating what I believe to be fair. This I know is way over what my H has planned. My L will fill in what I don't know or catch.
Snodderly, ow is not the one who stood by my husband through thick and thin, supported him in his endeavors, took care of him during his stroke, raised the children, etc. You can bet your bottom dollar that I will not feather ow's nest any more than I have to.
I also agree with you that even though he is 'giving' me the house, it comes with a steep price and all he's really doing is sticking me with it to get out from underneath it. He's banking on my love of the house and property to 'control' me during the D. So yes, basically fair to him is all for him and nothing for me.
I also think he isn't beyond hiding assets if he could because that's who he is now.
Snodderly, is there a way to DB during D proceedings? Or do you just let all of that go because this is the legal aspect of D? DBing not for the chance to save the M, but because it's who I am anyway. I've still got a 12 year old that we have to co-parent together.
Is it unusual for a MLCer to file so long (15 mos)after he's let it go for this amount of time? I know you're only getting my side, but I really have not put any pressure on him financially or otherwise. Why would he run the risk of having to pay out a whole lot more than he is now by filing? The only thing I can figure is that he and ow will marry after the D.
Please believe these questions are only out of curiosity. Just for the purpose of making it easier for me to deal with.
Thank you all for your support. I've suspected the D would be coming for a long time, but it's all harder than anything I've ever done.
When it comes to a settlement, there is no go way to DB. The threat of their "so called" money being taken away from them makes them even worse in the idiot department. The only thing you need to do is keep you and your children need to survive. You can remain civil during the entire settlement/divorce, but nothing says you have to bend over backwards to please him in any department. Smile, stand up straight and stick to your guns...do not waffle. It's very important that you go in w/a clear view as to how life will be once both of you have signed on the dotted line. You can also db once the dust settles.
SA, my xh walked out the door 12/1999 and he filed 12/2001 and we were divorced 06/2002. I attempted to have a separation put into place but he would never approve/sign it. As you can see...more than 15 months. Some will file immediately, others will drag it out forever.ill have a child to co-parent and you can be civil and eventually he may settle down enough that you two can actually have pleasant conversations. It all takes time.
My xh was a nasty somebody from the minute he walked out in 1999 until 2005. He then wanted to become friends, yeah right...friends to him meant asking for things from my home. Whenever he drops me an email...I always know it's about him and want he would like me to give him from my home. My answer is always no, but I coat it with a niceness that could slice a sane person to death. No once has he asked if I need anything...as you can see, it took him a long time to soften up enough to have a strange, but normal conversation w/him. BTW, he's still out to lunch. My expectations have never risen above -0.
SA, just be yourself and don't allow your heart to rule when it comes to settlement. What may happen after the divorce....well...let's wait and see..okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
SA, Feel free to ask me questions...I'll try to answer them for you. I can honestly say that once my divorce was completed, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I was able to move forward w/o fear of threats, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Any news? I know it's like waiting for the guillotine to drop, but once it has, Hey! That wasn't as earth shaking as I thought. At least you won't lose your head!
Seriously. It's a shock to the mental system and physical system, regardless of how it comes, but when it does, at least it's over. ((HUGS))
