On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[Denver_2010]

I'm having an internal struggle regarding what I should do in the coming days and weeks. I need to make another appointment with my DB coach, but I would really like to hear what others here think.

I met my W's step father (I will refer to as FIL) for coffee after he texted me asking if he could meet with me. He has been gracious enough to go to church with me almost every Sunday since the bomb. Church was never something that I did prior to bomb but I have been exploring my spirituality along with the psychology of my issues for the past 2 months. All of this with the hope of finding myself and correcting some of my faults that contributed to failure of M.

Anyway, FIL and I met for coffee. He notified me that he had heard from W's mom that W: 1) does NOT believe that I love her; 2) that she believes that I have given up on M bc I am doing nothing to try and win her back. Specifically, that I haven't contacted her, sent her flowers, asked her on date etc.

2 other bits of information that he provided me with are:

1) While he doesn't know if W has or had A with OM, he does NOT believe that they are spending much if any time together right now. He bases this off how much he is having to babysit step son bc of W's work schedule and fact that he picks step son up from W's house every morning to take him to school and OM is never there.

2) W's mom has seen bible scripture on the fridge at W's home and maybe W is close to going back to church herself. W was raised in a religious home but got away from it herself. She alway wanted for us to go as a family but I always refused due to my agnostic beliefs (again, something that I am currently exploring within myself).

Okay, so now where I am having the internal dilemma. I have been employing the LRT and following DB Coach advice not initiate contact with W, not to tell W that I love her, and not to tell W that miss her. FIL STRONGLY suggested that I begin to be more proactive in trying to fight for my M, which he knows that I want to do. He suggested this based upon what he heard from W's mom... that she doesn't believe that I love her and that I've given up on M.

FIL's advice and DB advice conflict in a big big way here!!![/b]

[b]A little more info on my sitch that makes me think that I need to consider FIL's advice:

1) W never really believed that I loved her. Probably bc I was such a freakin jacka*s in the beginning of our R, kept female friends where I did not include W, "broke up" with W many times in the first 5 years of our R, and subconsciously tried to change things about my W that I did not like by being critical of her. Yes, I was a real a*s. I know and have beaten myself up for it for 2 months now.

2) W has never been one to initiate things, ESPECIALLY when she thinks that she is in the "right". She is stubborn as h*ll. What I am saying is, that she could probably go years without saying a word to someone who she has had an argument with while waiting for that other person to initiate making up. This has always included me. We could have an argument and there would be NO WAY that she was going to be the one to be the first to break the ice afterwards.

3) I am the same way. I am stubborn. but the no initiating contact, no I love yous, and no I miss yous, that I am doing now is not being stubborn though. I am just following DB advice. But it COULD be being SEEN by W as me just being the same old stubborn me. In other words, it could be backfiring.

4) Been employing LRT for right about 6 weeks... bomb dropped approx 8 or 9 weeks ago... W moved out of home about 7 weeks ago. I thought that I was gaining some traction around xmas when W initiated contact with me 6 our of 8 days and actually allowed me to see her and step son while dropping off presents at her mom's 2 days before xmas. BUT, it has now been 6 days of complete darkness.

I need some feedback. Obviously, me doing any of the things like my FIL suggested would be pursuit. On the other hand, while it hasn't been that long, the LRT does not seem to be getting me many results.