It's never too late to reshape your frame of mind so that you can do a healthy 180. Don't beat yourself up about your slip-ups, that's normal to do. Just learn from them and do your best not to repeat them, just like any life lesson or skill.
Right now, I don't think she knows what she wants. I'm no expert on the female state of mind of course, but it looks like she is willing to see what happens if you get closer. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like either of you are in a state of mind to deal with things the minute something goes awkward. You immediately think about OM, she immediately gets cold and accusatory of manipulation. I think you need to look at these "experiments", if you will, simply as a "not a horrible sign." Meaning, it gives you a glimmer of hope that things could be better, after all, she's not avoiding you completely and hasn't moved out.
What you need to do is stop smothering her. She feels smothered every time you get worried and contribute to making things awkward. Sounds like you're still in the stage where you're obsessing about everything she says and does. You have to REALLY try to just be own your person in the house...think about it...you wouldn't like it if every move she made was centered around you...it would get annoying and then irksome.
One last thing, what are you apologizing for? Can you elaborate on that? I'd only apologize for things you are legitmately sorry for that you have legitmately done wrong. Are you apologizing just because you feel like you should say you're sorry, or are you truly convinced you have done dozens upon dozens of wrong things that warrant apologies. If not, then listen, and validate, but watch the amount of apologizing. See if that mindset makes a difference.
Try to calm down. You'll notice a big difference if you do. None of this is the end of the world...it's just a challenge you have to figure out. You can do this.
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
