It may be that you are so dependent on him that it confuses your emotions into thinking you love him. When a woman has very low self-esteem, she thinks she deserves, or has to take, the bad treatment. However, you do not have to take abuse. It sounds as if he was trying to punish you in some sexual way.
Being alone in a new place can be very scary, but most towns have protected shelters for women who need help. Do you have any relatives who would help you get back home or wherever you wanted to live?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
