Detachment issues

[AntoniaB]

Thanks Eric, Cat, and Lori. The thing with the restaurant that threw me into this tailspin is that I felt like if I didn't speak to total strangers I'd be angry at myself later. (old me never made eye contact with any strangers anywhere). Why? I didn't get it. I felt an overwhelming NEED to do it. And zero nervousness when I did it. I just kept thinking "who IS this person I've become? I don't recognize her at all." And everyone who looked at me, like the waitress who cleared off the other table setting, and every couple or family (I was the only one alone in the restaurant), well, I just felt defiant, like, "Hey! I can sit here and savor this drink and my dinner and take my time and I don't have to talk at all if I don't want to, and if I want to (as I did) I will. But there is NOTHING WRONG with being single." And I was just so freaked out by this that I felt like I didn't know myself anymore. So it's really all about fear, yes, fear that I can't be an entirely different person and be ok with it.