At first, it really is simply shock. After a while, hopefully not too long, we begin to move, to live, because we have no choice. It really is a going through the motions of sorts.
When that happens, it does feel like you are simply on the outside looking in. Because the living, doesn't really go with the feelings that we are having inside.
And then, something begins to shift a little. The living, becomes more real. We find ourselves doing things, thinking things, saying things, that feel God awful strange. But they also feel good. And real. It is usually noticed when we do something that is really out of the ordinary for the old us. Which brings about internal questioning and awarness of the situation in a bit of a different way.
Where you are, is normal and natural.
It took me well over a year to get there. I was living, but I didn't feel like I was living. I was still waiting for someone else to join me in my life. Then, one day, I was listening to the radio and singing and my son made some comment that made me aware of it. Wow, I felt good. Surprise. After that, it was one step after another. Like learning to walk again.
Don't let fear of living your life, keep you stuck in the limbo. I understand that it is scary. But it is a good scary IMO. I have watched many people become stuck, because they are afraid of what the next step is after this. No one really knows for sure. You will still have good and bad days.
The other stuff you are looking for, acceptance, forgivness, detatchment, they all come with living, and living comes with finding those things as well.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
