I confronted her about it, and told her how i found out. Her response was a text that said "i hate u" and another that told me not to call her or text her. yeah really feeling horrible now, i dont know how to give up on her, but this really hurts and looks bleaker than ever.
Ouch! Okay first things first. Get a L and know your rights. Next confront her. Do you two have kids together? Does she plan to keep the child? Who is this OM?
Forgiving is one thing, but you have to start putting your foot down at some point.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
well neither of us are getting lawyers, shes only asking for child support and shared custody. As far as her keeping it i dont know, and i dont really know who the OM is just that hes much older than her and has a 17 year old already. What i do know from what i read is that she feels used by him and plans to drop him.
Putting ones foot down is a nice idea, but im extremely hardheaded and ive made up my mind and come to be at peace with my feelings for her. I know my limits and i feel that there is no way she would ever reach them (i draw the line at physically harming my children). I can take whatever, i just want to make this work.
Nothing im trying has worked thus far, but in all honesty i havent really made much progress on myself. Im steadily moving forward, but the same things that weighed me down in the past continue to haunt me. All i want is my wife and kids back, if that means i have to deal with this then so be it. I just want some hope out of this situation.
Wait a minute. How many kids do you have together? Why aren't you getting a L? All of this has to be hammered out. This isn't like she had a bad date. She's pregnant.
You might end up paying for this guy's kid if you get D'd. He should be paying for this stuff. You are going to get screwed in the end.
Let's face it, if getting pregnant from this guy isn't going to wake her up right now, nothing will for the moment. Start protecting yourself and your kids. And on top of that, think of your kids. How do you think they think of the two of you.
How often do you see your kids?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Seriously, you are going to feel a bit attacked if enough people start reading this particular thread. Please understand, so you do not feel alienated, that the folks here CARE and they are trying to make sure that you make sound decisions when you are not thinking clearly.
I am not saying that you shouldn't be working on improving your R, but what I am saying is that I completely echo Bond's thoughts and you need a L and you need to protect your rights with the children. Please, please, please, if you listen to nothing else, listen to Bond.
Number 1, theres no way on gods green earth that i can afford a lawyer right now. i can basically see my kids whenever i want to, and im well aware that odds are she wont come around for a while. my kids are 4 and 2 and my 4 year old only wants for us to be a family again. She and i share the same desire.
There are legal aid agencies that can help advise you. At the very least know your rights. Are you willing to pay for the other guy's kid even when the two of you are separated?
"She and i share the same desire. Of course they want that. But let's face reality here. What signs have you had that your W cares? Is she keeping the baby?
As a fellow father, you should start setting an example for your kids of what a strong husband is. If you let your W go around and do whatever she wants to without consequence they will do the same with their H's. That's also what my C has stated.
How often do you see your kids? I mean it sounds like you were pretty dark without any interaction with your W, so how do you actually co-parent your kids or have you left it all to her? What kind of actual parenting have you done? Helping with schoolwork, etc.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Ok, you've made the decision to hang in there. But if it's half hearted it really isn't the decision is it. So--the most important part of that decision is to make yourself attractive to her. And that is by being the whole, healthy you.
That means taking care of your body, your mind, your spirit, your energy, etc. That's job 1.
So each day, you get up and you take care of your body. That engages your mind, and your spirit. Work out, eat, or eat and work out. Read something helpful to you and get that in your mind. Get ready, work on your job search. Check in with your kids. Keep it light, loving, positive. Do something that's part of your hobby or non-work. Make your plan for the next day.
If you don't agree, modify this plan. But let's make a daily plan.
You have got GREAT DBers helping you here. They are looking out for you and giving you a lot of wisdom. Let it help you.
