Deju vu, but new to the online forum...round 2

[mj144]

Question for the vets, especially Sandi. As time goes on and it seems like the W is getting more distant and more bitter, does that signify anything in particular? Maybe I am imagining it since our interactions are now fewer since I am not around. Is this typical in a sitch where there is S?

[MrBond]

Yep very typical. In fact, after you leave you are going to see that she's going to be VERY happy that you've moved out. Don't be surprised if she throws a party after you're gone to celebrate her new independence.

Because as far as she's concerned, YOU were the one who made her life crap. The WAS has a way of transferring all of their issues onto you. They can't face it themselves so they need a scapegoat to blame. I believe that's why many second marriages dont' work out because the initial problems that were there in the first place, never get resolved.

[mj144]

Mr B, any thoughts as to why you seem to be the only veteran who has taken interest in my sitch, or at least the only vet who continues to post and offer advice/support? I see how many views I get. Is there a different apprach that I should be taking, or did you draw the short straw and are stuck with helping the lost soul?

[MrBond]

There are just alot of people posting here. Everyone has their own followers. I just like to stick to those who I've helped from the beginning.

[mj144]

Well, I certainly appreciate your support. It may not seem that it is received, but I can assure you that I take every word you have to say to heart. Whether you think so, or not, you are helping. It's me who is not helping me.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

LOL short stick.

Not even close.

The 'vets' I consider myself one, but more for MLC, although some points remain the same here or there.

Trying to cover as many new people as possible, and not over cover if that makes sense.

Trying to read and see if our style helps. At least I am I believe the others are as well.

MLC doesn't apply to everyone nor everything and can be missused.

Some posters you get invested with and follow.

And some posters only post a few times and are gone, so some of it is also time management. imo.

MrBond is offering you some solid advice, so it's not like others don't want to help you, it's just that he already is.

[mj144]

Thanks, Jack.
If you get some time. I would appreciate any feedback you could provide after looking through my sitch. The more advice I can get, even though it may be the same, sometimes it helps to hear things presented in a different manner.

Mr Bond is the sheeit in my mind. Nice to know he is there for me.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

PS - you also have Starsky who's advice is outstanding and do not discount the other more or less newer posters in the trenches with you. They'll keep you honest.

[mj144]

Heard from Starsky a couple times, but for some reason, he is having issues posting on my thread.

[mj144]

Maybe I am starting to detach a little bit? I haven't been overly anxious the last few days even though I have moved out and spent this whole week sleeping at my new place. It's been a bit lonely, but I have hardly lived alone my whole life, so it's been OK in a strange kind of way. The gal who I am renting from hasn't been around, so I truly have been alone.

The way my days have gone lately starting with this Monday is that I come to my house at 7:30 AM, the kids are dressed, fed and practically ready to leave for school. I leave around 7:55 to get them to school by the bell at 8:10. My W requested I be there at 7:30 so she could leave for work, but she hasn't come close to leaving at that time. Then I go back to the house and get on the computer a job search all day. I pick the kids up at school and bring them home and when the W gets home, I boogie to my other place. We made arrangements that 1 night, she will not come home until later when the kids are in bed, which was tonight. I will stay in the house with the kids every other weekend and she will remove herself. We just made the decision to take the kids out of after school care until I get a job to save some $. I am also trying to help out by doing some upkeep of the house too.

I am trying to keep perspective on everything for now since it will all change again when I get a job and we have to really sit down and make a schedule with the kids.

I can't tell if this is having any kind of effect on her one way or another. It may be too soon to tell.

I just get a strange feeling that the W looks at me like I am accepting the fact that she is going to D me and not looking at me as a kinder, gentler me. Thinking this way is not detaching myself, is it?