How am I doing? Well I'm not checking these boards very often, obviously!
Life is so tough, trying to hold down a job, take care of myself, and take care of my son and all his special needs at school. I keep hoping that one day things will not be so stressful.
Anyway... Conversation with XH continue. He's super nostalgic about us. I let myself be pulled back in. Maybe I'm deluded (yet again) but I feel like it's OK for now. I keep saying it's my goal to go out on a date. Just a simple date, to keep my perspective. But it hasn't happened yet. Have my eye on one prospect, but haven't made any moves.
XH is working on retirement plans. It would be nice if he moved out to where I am with our son and could be a present father. But we'll see. He's still several months out from where any serious decisions will have to be made. I'm actually contemplating a trip for my son and I to go see him on the other coast. I have a airline pass for a companion traveler to use, so we'd both have to go... not sure if it'll happen or not.
In any case, I'm starting to beat myself up less for feelings I have for XH and decisions I've made and will make. What matters most is how it impacts my son (which is a big consideration for this trip). Whether I end up back with my XH one day or not doesn't mean having feelings for him right now is wrong or even that acting on them is wrong. Maybe it's possible to be friends with him despite having romantic feelings for him. I don't know...when I'm introduced to his girlfriend my tune may change in a big way. But hopefully, I'd eventually come back around to wanting a friendship.
